Heaven (From Feb. 24th)

 After a long escalator ride, I envision Heaven beginning with a short film, an accurate history of the world, explaining many things, for example: Why do people overpay for Diamonds when their actual value is $5/carat, who shot JFK, why Yoko Ono existed, how was After M*A*S*H* so terrible compared to it's predecessor, Who did let the dogs out, and why do people watch Nascar.... Then I will be whisked away on a cloud to the first tee of Augusta National where I will be joined by Bo Jackson, George Lucas, Coach K and Dennis Leary for a quick 18, with my trusty-beautiful caddie Elizabeth Hurley on my bag (giggity) as I claim my first of many Masters Titles...