The World Wide Web: Humanities Mirror

Every now and then my father will contact me and describe in way too much detail an episode of Law & Order Special Old People’s Unit, and go on and on about how they found this person that was into whiffle ball bats, small farm animals, Nutella, and pictures of Unicorns. He’ll then proceed to lament that this sort of behavior didn’t happen when he was growing up and this is all a result of liberals taking over the media, education, and forcing their perversions upon wholesome Americans…

Well, that is horseshit. Over the last few days, weeks, months, and years, it seems that we are forced to take a hard look in the mirror over many issues (terrorism, war, poverty, taxes, equality) that we don’t want to talk about or in many cases don’t want to admit exists…For example, too many people respond to #BlackLivesMatter with #AllLivesMatter (well of course all lives matter, if you are a caring human being, but all lives right now don’t feel like they are suffering or in pain, so maybe listen to what they have to say, assessing if it’s a valid point, and working towards a solution, like the police department in Dallas was doing, with great results, instead of being so offended and coming across as an uniformed-insensitive-racist). There is a simple and clear explanation for this giant mirror being thrust upon us as individuals and society as a whole, the internet.

The internet (World Wide Web) has opened the doors to the soul of humanity, good/bad, right/wrong, and it appears that even though this tool has been around to the masses for two decades, too many of us are only comfortable with it when we are using it for our own personal needs. Whether that be shopping, educational reasons, gaming, or porn…However, when the truest form of Democracy shows us injustice, racism, strife, extreme poverty, war, or Kathy Bates naked, we immediately call out for a simpler time & click on kitten videos…

The truth is, all of this has been going on long before the internet, long before the “liberals” took over, and even during Reagan’s America…Some of the oldest books we reference deal with murder, slavery, incest, rape, taxes, war, abusive politicians, and even this miraculous process of turning water into wine…The same internet that allows you to have your groceries delivered to your door is the same internet that may prevent a teen that is transgender from feeling alone & killing themselves…This tool may help an innocent man have his conviction overturned, allowing him to go free, or it may aide a lost soul to plan & commit a horrific crime…Preserving this truest form of Democracy & allowing all of humanity to have a voice must be preserved, whether we as individuals feel comfortable or not.

The internet doesn’t need any rules or censorship.  It’s the humans using it that need the help. We need help understanding people of different color, religion, socioeconomic backgrounds, and lifestyles. We need to better understand gentrification, poverty, and social injustice. We need help to see that everything isn’t black and white, and that’s ok, grey is nice too (look at my kitchen cabinets)…Most of all, we need to listen when others talk, so that communication flows in a dyadic pattern, not linear…I’ve seen too many cryptic posts over the last few days that do nothing to advance the conversation or humanity, all they are doing is to continue to divide & build walls…That’s not a slam on Trump, I welcome his honesty, candor, and the conversations he’s begun. I don’t agree with all of them, but in a silver-lining sort of way, he’s forcing the world to have conversations, many of which the world has gone decades without having…The results of that (and many other conversations we aren’t having & need to) are to be determined, but the beauty of the internet is, they can’t hide for long and neither should we…

As to Law & Order, never watched it, I prefer comedies…Besides, it only takes a few clicks to discover these types of lifestyles & which ones are living on your street…

Stick to YOUR Point.

One of the many benefits of vacation (especially a road trip), is I am taken out of the news loop, for the most part & don’t have to waste any energy on social, political, or Kardashian related bull-shit…That being said, when I have checked in, there seems to be a few stories dominating the news cycle. One is a crazy-ass billionaire that can’t shut up (ever) about any & everything and the other is about the dentist who killed the lion. Now I haven’t fully read/educated myself on this (I will next week) but I can draw a few conclusions based on what I have read & seen so far...

First, everyone seems really pissed, on both sides. I attribute this to a couple of things. One, when it comes to Nature, too many of us forget that we are a part of it, not over or above it. Two, when it comes to animals, humans are the biggest hypocrites of all times. Eat a cow or chicken, no big deal. Eat a dog or horse; you are on par with a serial killer. Fish/Shrimp, nobody gives a crap. BBQ a polar bear and the neighbors burn your house down…When it comes to animals, we all have love/hate relationships & for the most part, we are all hypocrites. I’ve seen people go ape shit over a turtle crossing the road & then kill a bee without flinching…

Second, why does there always have to be a line drawn? An either or? Maybe I’m in a rare group of humans, that should be studied & paid, but my brain allows me to think about multiple subjects at a time. Every time something happens, it doesn’t need to be compared to something else. They are separate events, even if they fall into similar categories. It’s not either-or/black & white. What does shooting a lion have to do with planned parenthood? (Nothing) What does shooting a lion have to do with Tennessee? (nothing) What does shooting a lion have to do with anything else, NOTHING…This is manufactured outrage. I can be pissed that the McRib isn’t offered year round while being equally pissed that Madonna won’t perform at my birthday, while at the same time being pissed that the second half of Man of Steel sucked, and still have enough pistivity left for political, social, and global issues…I’m full of it. I have enough piss to go around. All this fake outrage does is deflect from the issue or change the subject while diluting the narrative. Meanwhile whatever the original issue was, gets lost forever in an endless spiral of secondary arguments. It’s an adult version of the telephone game (gone wrong) that we played in kindergarten. Tell one adult a lion was shot and 25^th adult is pissed that Tom Brady’s suspension was upheld.

If you are pro killing a lion, state it, don’t bring up another topic and if you are anti-lion killing, state that, without bringing up any other killing. It seems that as we de-evolve into a tablet driven, scooter riding culture, multitasking is a function that humans no longer possess.

God Wants You to Buy Flowers?

Saturday Morning Conundrum:  I have 3 questions for Debbie Dills, the woman who aided police in finding The D-Bag-Rebel who tried (and failed) to restart the Civil War…First, let me say to her, thank you for doing your civic duty & going the extra mile (rim shot) in tailing him. That was a brave thing to do & you helped end a chapter to a tragic situation…However, after seeing you repeatedly on television, my George Carlin Bullshit meter (installed by the UN) began ringing and while I was up at 6:30am raking leaves & spraying for bugs (in a vain effort to escape today's hellish weather), I had a fascinating conversation with myself that left me with 3 questions…

1. You keep saying you are a vessel for the God, that God did this, & that God deserves all the glory, credit, etc… So am I to understand that God killed 9 people in his own house of worship, during a prayer meeting, so he could then, through you, catch the bad guy & get all the credit?  

2. If this was part of “Gods Plan” then where does Free Will fit in to all of this? If he plans & executes everything, then Free Will doesn’t exist, which is a major bone of contention among many Christians…

3. Conceding the point that it is “Gods Plan,” did he direct you to do interview after interview in front of the Floral shop, with the phone number in frame, or was that just a coincidence, sorry, I mean miracle?  

Do you see what I see? (A symbol of Hate)

I can’t stand anymore of this argument and I’m tired of the excuses and bullshit. Ask yourself this. Are the children of Nazis flying swastika flags on their version of Memorial Day? Do they have swastika license plate frames? Do they fly a swastika flag at German war memorials? Are the German people proud of their heritage from 70+ years ago? Do they name their children & grandchildren Adolf? I’m sure there are a few exceptions, but overwhelmingly, you can’t get a German to discuss that era, because they are ashamed of it…Now I’m not comparing the actions of the Nazis to those of the Confederates in a 1:1 example of evil, but if your IQ is over 75, you can see the theme developing here.

 I may have some relatives that fought for the South, I honestly can’t remember. I may have had both, but I’ll concede it’s a possibility, so all I can say is Fuck you, you treasonous pieces of shit. You damn near destroyed my way of life & our Country because of your ignorance and backwards logic. I don’t honor you, I’m ashamed of you. I don’t care that you believed it, because it was wrong. Time doesn’t excuse the behavior either, you quit our Country & killed Americans, including one of our greatest Presidents, not to mention the whole issue of slavery (which is another rant all together).

 Thankfully, post-Civil War, cooler heads prevailed & the South was allowed back in. The South accepted, and has drug its moronic feet ever since, & still does in some parts. It’s beyond time to get rid of that flag & all it stands for. There is nothing positive about it. When I see that moronic symbol, there are two things that come to mind. First is what an inbred-racist-piece of shit that is, who is out of touch with 2015 (which may be not true & unfair, but that’s the risk you take, kind of like if you wore a white bed sheet & hood to a club on Halloween, claiming you were a ghost). Second, the Dukes of Hazzard was a terrible television program & how dumb were we to be duped by stock footage of that car making the same jump every time (99% of the reason anybody watched was Catherine Bach)…

Now if you are offended by this, then good. Think of how a majority of one race feels or decedents of Union soldiers feel when they see that nut-incrusted-turd flapping in the wind or stuck to the back of a truck.  Its 2015, the world isn’t flat, the sun doesn’t revolve around the earth, & the South was wrong.

Three Holes, One Country.

 In case you were wondering what Sean Hannity, Kanye West, and a cartoon drawing of an asshole have in common, the answer is quite simple. They all spread shit and disease in one form or another around the world. They are a required part of a functioning civilization, but every now and then they open up too wide and that creates nothing but a mess. Now it would be too easy to attack Hannity and Kanye for their opinions and views as a whole, but what they are currently doing speaks to a larger issue that has been unfolding for a long time, has passed critical mass, and most of us live our lives without paying it any attention, which is to our own demise.

There was a time in this Country where families would gather around the television and watch the nightly news. It wasn't always lively, often quite boring, but it was there to inform the population of events from around the world to around the block. Newspapers played a prominent role too, and for better or for worse, the truth was at the heart of the information presented. Sure there were mistakes and being that we are human, there were misreportings, but on a whole, people felt like they could believe what they were reading and seeing when they came home from work. The news was often lagging behind the events as they unfolded, but I would argue that was a good thing, because it allowed for more vetting and as all too common today, cut through many of the mistakes of a 24/7 news cycle.

So where does Hannity fit into this? It’s his recent attack on Brian Williams, with the banner LIAR, covering the bottom right corner of his screen. Hannity seems to love the downfall of a Network Anchor. We are just days into the Brian Williams story, and it doesn't look good (I’ll admit), however, this shouldn't be celebrated or applauded by any person in journalism (or as a talk show host like Sean Hannity). The problem with Hannity, Maddow, and others is, they aren't news anchors presenting news, and they are entertainers, masquerading as news, while presenting information to their target audience. I have no problem with this. Where it becomes murky is the mass populous of people that watch these types of programs for their news.  Attacking Williams and celebrating another networks credibility issue hurts all parties involved. Recently Fox News had to issue multiple on air apologies and that benefited nobody as well.

Whether it’s Vietnam/Watergate/Iran Contra/Lewinsky/911/Iraq and countless other stories that have been misreported on, it drives the confidence of the viewer lower and lower, it weakens their belief in the system. It gives rise to conspiracy, creates radical groups that have only serve the purpose of spreading more fear and generating profits for themselves.  When there is a breakdown in honest journalism and our Government is allowed to go unchecked, liberty is lost, money is wasted, and people die. It’s really that simple. So instead of celebrating Brian Williams and lampooning NBC, other Networks, News Institutions, and Talk Shows should take this time to do a self-audit, make sure their house is in order, and under no circumstances should they be throwing stones, being that they live in a glass house as well.  

As to Mr. West and his recent outburst over Beyoncé not winning a Grammy, shut the fuck up.  Voting took place, and she didn't win. Not everybody wins (unless you are youth sports teams), and the Grammy’s has a history of being out of touch. Personally, I couldn't tell you one song off of Beck or Beyoncé’s album, but I didn't tune in for the awards...I like the awkward duets and the section where they list everyone who died the previous year. What Kanye doesn't understand is, it’s not up to him to determine the winners or the losers. How you lose says a lot more about you than how you win, and he clearly can’t handle losing. Plus, he’s married to a giant ass, so why does he have dog in this fight? If anyone should have complained, it would be Mr. Beyoncé.

This behavior by Kanye is seen daily in public schools and it’s a direct example of children not being taught manners, rules, respect, and life lessons that prepare them for adulthood. It is Mr. West’s opinion that Beyoncé should have won, but he is not the King and he alone does not decide the outcome. Instead of staying in his seat, clapping for Beck (or just remaining silent) he faked another stage rush, then went off in the media later. This speaks volumes to his character as a man, human being, and as an artist. This type of behavior should not be encouraged or supported. However, we all know that he will not only profit from this, but will continue to be invited to similar events, because it draws in ratings.

As to your actual asshole, wash it daily, and whatever you do with it beyond that is your own business. Just remember, we need daily, accurate news, because without it, we are lost as a people. We need the news so we can help a family whose house has burned down or donate items to victims of an earthquake/flood. The news can help us make informed decisions when it comes to vaccinations, political campaigns, or who won the game in your local town. It lets us know when loved ones have passed, when a road is going to be closed, or if we are in for a storm. The news is a vital part of our daily lives, whether we sit down around the TV or have it sent directly to our phones. Protecting the integrity of the News should be everyone’s number one goal and concern. When there is a breach in that information, it should be corrected quickly, so that the trust of the people is restored immediately. People that are trying to shape the news, influence it, corrupt it, or steer it in one direction should be watched closely and taken with a grain of salt. We should be aware of where we are getting our news from and if it is from a variety show, checking that against other points of view, so we can have a more informed public, one that knows right from wrong, and can accept the outcome. Otherwise we end up with Milli Vanilli, and I can’t imagine what Kanye’s reaction to that would have been.

F......-The Police (2014 Remix)

Michael Brown's body was still lying in the middle of the street in Ferguson, Missouri when it occurred to me that the issue at hand was never going to be about what truly happened between the Officer and Brown.  It was going to reach much deeper, into that area of America that few Americans like to go.  It's a painful area, with a long dark past rooted in suffering, misunderstanding, and a common belief that we as Americans still haven’t come to a conclusion on the issue that will satisfy all parties involved. Sadly, this issue seems to erupt on an annual basis, never actually black and white, always grey, and time and time again, there is no true resolution, just more pain and misunderstanding. Nothing seems to work and with each issue, advancement in technology, and abundance of cameras, the problem at hand ever so slowly comes in to focus, but never quickly enough. Much of what has happened in Ferguson, Missouri could have been prevented, but that is for another day.  I want to specifically target one piece of the puzzle and offer some an alternative to many of the negative images that that never should have occurred but that we did unfortunately see in Ferguson. I’m talking to you Officer, and all I have to say to you is F…-The Police! (More on that later).

 As a child growing up, the most common misconception I had of the police was that they were all fat and ate too many donuts. I rarely encountered the police and when I did, they were usually handing out candy, football cards, or talking to us with McGruff the Crime Dog. Depending on who I was riding with in the car, we either got a speeding ticket (Dad) or was let off with a warning (Mom) but I think that was due to the length of shorts worn in the 70’s. I watched police shows on television, but they were positive, and the cops were always out getting the bad guys. The only really negative images I had seen of the police were old time film from the civil rights era and that was always explained to me that real police don’t act that way, those cops were racist. Sounded good to me, until around 1988…

My first day at work at the local grocery store I was put in the bottle room with a guy named Mike. He had one of the biggest boom boxes I had ever seen & blaring out of it was “Fuck the Police” by NWA. I stood there for a minute, wondering who the hell was this guy? Was I in imminent danger, and why would anybody say anything like that about the police? We instantly bonded and the next day I bought Straight Outta Compton and listened to it night and day. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, the pain, the agony, the hate, and overall mistrust. Surely they were mistaken or maybe the racist cops from the South had all moved to Compton? I even played it for my dad, and he looked at me and said that is just bullshit, I hope you didn’t spend money on that!

Then over the next few years, events began unfolding on television, movies, and even more so in the form of Rap music (the 10 year fad my dad warned me about, but is still here today). For many Americans, the portion of the Rodney King beating they played over and over set in motion this visual distrust that began reaching in to middle America, confirming what few had heard, while lending voice to what many of the black community had lived & witnessed firsthand. However, America still refused to hold the conversation on race, equality, and the rise of the police force. Events continued to unfold and basically, as long as it wasn’t in your back yard, then fine. Meanwhile, with each injustice, perceived injustice, or even justified event occurring between the police & the citizenship they are here to protect and serve, the communication has never been clear, honest, dyadic, and resolute. Continuing to leave that “if” in the narrative, enhances the slow boil that looms underneath every street in America and seemingly on an annual basis explodes in a community, now dotting the map all over the United States.

What can be done? Our President lacks the leadership skills, political capital, and resources to address the issue head on. Congress is about as useful as dollar store toilet paper. All the legitimate civil rights leaders are either dead, making money off of the problem, or don’t exist. We the People, as a whole, don’t care, unless it’s in our backyard, then the consensus is to usually shoot everyone, so who does that leave to take this issue head on, begin the conversation, listen, and resolve this issue that continues to fester under our collective skin? The Police, that’s who.  They seem to be the common thread, both in the real world and the perceived one. So who better and here’s how:

First, STFU when it comes to your opinions about whether or not the St. Louis Rams players walked in with their hands up. The only thing you should have said when asked is, that’s their right, and we are here to protect that right. Complaining about it says that one, you don’t support the right to free speech, unless you agree with it. Second, it sounds/appears that you are somehow the victim in all this. America lost that day, not just you. Third, you just draw more attention to the fact that there is little to no communication between you and the citizens you represent. If you were to engage in communication, maybe people wouldn’t feel that way?

Second, enough with the posting on social media either directly or indirectly every time a black person has harmed a white person. This screams racism at the public. Saying things like where are the protests? Where are the rioters? Where’s Al Sharpton? really sends a negative message and makes you look really ignorant. First of all, there’s no score to keep, and if there was, I don’t think in the brief history of this Republic, the black man is even close to winning. I’ll spare you the history lesson (slavery, Jim Crow, civil rights, etc.), because white people will never truly know what any of this feels like, both physically, mentally, and generationally.  So again, I plead with you to STFU, for all of our sakes.

Third, cancel your subscription to the Small Penis Club of America. Return the tanks to the Army and all the other toys you inherited from Uncle Sam. It’s too clear by now that you don’t know how to use them, over use them, and look really douchey when you are using them. The consensus opinion of the Military leaders is that you don’t point a weapon at somebody unless you plan to shoot them. In the aftermath of Ferguson, you were pointing a lot, shooting very little. Remember, with over 300 million guns in this country, if the citizens of Ferguson wanted to engage in a gunfight, they could have, and you waving your guns around like penises in a male strip club put the entire country in the uncomfortable position of watching from afar, like your mom would be in said strip club.  

 Finally, be honest! From the start, be honest. Communicate clearly, honestly, and frequently with the public that not only pays your wages, but entrusts their safety and lives to you. 99% of the people love you, support you, weep for the fallen, and want to believe that you are here to serve and protect, not harass and kill.  But with each partial truth, miscommunication, or blatant lie, that trusts gets chipped away at, and for too many, that triggers painful/historical memories. The lying that occurred in the minutes after Michael Brown was shot spoke more volumes than the truth ever will. The lying that continued in the weeks that followed, the miscommunication, the “leaked” video, the blatant silence, all sent the wrong message and allowed for the “Professional Disruptors” (as Fox News calls them) to descend on Ferguson, Missouri to begin their night of rioting.

When an event occurs that even seems remotely out of touch with common police procedure, appoint a spokesman. Preferably one that can communicate with a calm manner that YOU are on top of the issue, and that as information comes in, the public will be updated daily at noon, even if it’s to say, we have no update today. Invite local advocates/leaders to be a part of the solution.  Don’t lean on them to react to the problem. Be as transparent as you can, and if it seems that the situation feels like it’s about to erupt, ask for help, immediately and if “they” won’t listen (being those above your pay grade), hold a press conference and tell the world, help will be on the way, directly. Follow through until the story concludes, explain the conclusion to the public in a communicative way, not like you are talking to a child or down at them. Take questions, and if there has been an error/mistake, own it, and take responsibility. At the end of the day you will know that you have done everything in your power to serve the public and with the passage of time and a pattern of handling events in a professional, honest manor, these problems (real & perceived) and civil unrest will become a thing of the past.

As to you Officer, when I say F-The Police, the F stands for FORGIVE and America loves to forgive, it’s one of our uniting strengths.  

 

The Force Awakens: Now re-awaken your inner child!

This morning if you thought the internet was running slow or if you were having trouble navigating the World Wide Web in search of flannel thongs with a holiday theme, it was probably due to the fact that Disney released the new movie Trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It didn’t take long for every website known to man to somehow link it to their content in a vein effort to draw in traffic. Within moments comments began springing up, analysis began, and before lunch, more was known about this 88 second teaser trailer than the JFK assassination…And therein lies the problem, Star Wars fans have grown up, become too cynical, and worst of all, turned into adults.

When the Episode IV came out, I was a wee lad, not even 5 years old. My father came home from a trip and said he was going to take me to see something that would forever change my life. It was one of the few times his words rang true and a love affair was born. I had never seen anything like it or heard anything like it, for that matter. The story was captivating, there were more questions than answers, and sadly, I learned what the word fag meant…What? Yep, while playing catch on my dead end street with two high school boys, I was asked if I liked C-3PO & R2-D2. I responded "Yes" and was immediately called a fag. I then had to learn what a fag was, but I could tell right away that it wasn’t a bundle of sticks. This should have been a sign of things to come, but thankfully that kind of cynicism didn’t show up again for another few decades.

Next came Episode V and before the term mind blown was used for every video on the internet, it actually meant something. My mind was blown. From the fact that my mother had to wait in line for hours to get us tickets, to seeing battles take place in the snow, and the revelation that rocked movie houses around the world....the true identity of Luke’s fathee.  Not to mention there was that little nugget of foreshadowing that somehow Leia knew where Luke was and to come back for him.  Again there was no web, barely cable, and as a child, my mind wasn’t yet operating on an adult level based in conspiracy, scientific fact, and hate (that my life hadn’t turned out as planned).

My childhood concluded with Return of the Jedi and this would be the last time I was going to be allowed to see the movies in a pure form....as a child. It was my final year of elementary school and I was soon going to be exposed to Jr. High, which seemed to highlight/reward kids that were assholes. The story concluded itself and I thought it was amazing. All was well with the universe and if anything, I was sad that it was all over. There would be no more. Sure, there were rumors of other stories but from what I knew, this was it. I was happy and there would never be anything that could remotely live up to these three movies.

With the passage of time, the radical advancement of computers, and the World Wide Web taking form, I was exposed to a move about dinosaurs. From the moment I saw them on screen, my first thought was, they could make more Star Wars movies. The technology displayed in Jurassic Park showed that anything was possible, and sadly that would be proven (Independence Day). All I needed to hear was that the Creator was onboard.  Soon after, word was out, there would be another…Star Wars Trilogy…And the speculation began in full force. Why? Because the kids that loved the originals were now adults.  They had years to dream up what could and should happen, and if their version didn’t play out verbatim, then F**k George & everyone else. I chose a different approach. My line was, it’s his world, if he wants to share it with us, fine.  I was willing to accept anything, and be thankful for it. I knew that this new trilogy wasn’t being made for my generation; it was being made for a new generation. I knew there would be some things I didn’t like, but it wasn’t my place to say and I wasn’t going to call any child a fag because he/she thought that Jar-Jar was funny….

So I endured, biting my lip, keeping to myself, and trying to avoid all arguments with my age group that had grown up to be such miserable assholes. Did I like every frame of it? No. Could I have done it better? NO. My only tweaking would have to do with time, cut 10-15 minutes out of Episode 1, 10 minutes out of Episode 2, and add those 20-30 minutes to Episode 3, so it wouldn’t feel so rushed. Other than that, I was just thankful to George for sharing his love, and by this time, something I could share with my daughter.

Now, all 3 of my kids have seen all 6 movies, we generally agree with the fact that Episode 5 is the best of the 6, but many of you veterans of the Original Trilogy would shit your pants to be told by a room full of 7 year olds that Episode 2 is the best. Refreshing it was to hear the children of today throw in our cynical faces why the NT was better than the old, and the fact that they think Jar-Jar is funny, and in kids speak, we were the fags for not liking him!

This brings us to today and the 88 seconds shown around the world. When it was announced that George wouldn’t make any more movies, many of you cheered (shame on you) and in the same breath booed when it was announced Disney would be taking over (shame on you again). Have you become so cynical to think that Disney would ruin this franchise? Think of their resources, the toy line potential, and most of all, the theme park….I’m sure when that was announced, the engineers just said here you go, now pick (because they have been working on rides for over 40 years in their free time).

This franchise is in solid hands and the writers involved know more about Star Wars than you could ever dream of. So to put it simply, STFU! I’ve read one article today about the new trailer, and it will probably be the last. I imagined some fat-balding asshole in a robe, down in his mother’s basement, writing this article and my first thought was, have you ever seen a naked women? His whole article was a criticism about how the new Lightsaber looked in the trailer and how it could be better engineered. Seriously? F**k Off! That’s what you took from the trailer? A teaser trailer at that? Some things in a teaser trailer never make it into the film, but you are going to latch on to this with all your hate? With all due respect sir, go outside, take a deep breath, then find the nearest bus & step in front of it, because you are clearly not going to be satisfied with the remainder of the film….So here’s some tips to consider, for you “adults” that plan on seeing The Force Awakens, otherwise, STAY AT HOME:

      ·         You are 100% certain the movie has to open with Boba Fett crawling out of the Great Pit of Carkoon or the movie is a failure.

·         You think this movie is made for you and not children.

·         You are still mad at Jar-Jar Binks & worry he’ll be in the movie.

·         Can’t comprehend that Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher have aged.

·         Have created your own history of what happens after Return of The Jedi.

·         Expect it to be more violent than its predecessors.

·         Can’t turn your cell phone off during the movie.

·         Need to discuss it in the lobby before or after.

·         Comment that there is no sound in space.

·         Have never had sex with a woman (or man).

·         Camp outside the theater instead of working.

·         Dress up for the premiere in full costume & bring a Lightsaber to the theater.

·         Compare it to Star Trek

·         Know the technical readouts, weights, and figures of all the ships and their scale relation to other ships in the scene.

·         Most importantly, know so much about the film beforehand that you ruin it for everyone else, by being yourself.

And therein lies the problem, knowledge. We’ve become a culture obsessed with knowing everything about everyone, except for the things that really matter in the world. Too many of you can tell me who so-n-so is dating, but can’t explain why the climate is changing or how much money a trillion dollars is and how we spent it in Iraq. What made the Original Trilogy so special is we didn’t know. We had to wait, there was no web, there was no social media, and we hadn’t reached the age of perfection that we think we live in now. Those movies came out and for some of us represented hope, adventure, and the thought that we could do anything with our lives, just like Luke or Han. Now, we tear them apart before they hit the theater, and that’s not their problem, it’s ours.

So my advice would be that if you grew up loving Star Wars, incorporated it into your life in some way, and have enjoyed sharing it with your children, you stay innocent. Stay away from the websites, the bloggers, and all the leaks. Enjoy the trailers as they come out, but don’t put all your faith in them, and when December 18^th 2015 rolls around, ignore everyone and everything and take it in for what it is. You don’t have to like it, but make that decision after you see it, not before. Whether you like it or not, keep it to yourself, for at least the weekend and keep your comments to yourself. Don’t be that guy, the one who ruins it for everyone else. Don’t destroy the fantasy, the dreams, and the hopes of future fans and filmmakers because you didn’t get “this” in the first 10 minutes or that ship banked to steep & should have broken apart. Finally, for all that is holy & special about this community of films, don’t you dare ruin it for a child. Just because you are an unhappy, miserable, stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerf-herder, doesn’t mean you have the right to do that to a child…Because as you know, your fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering…and you don’t want that on your conscious do you?