A True American,Gold Digger, & Asshole walk into a bar...

     What does it say about the state of America & Americans when it takes the death of Maya Angelou to knock the Kardashian Wedding from the Headlines? It says we are pathetic, on the wrong track, and need to pull really hard...to get our heads out of our asses...Kim Kardashian was a socialite who organized closets for other rich socialites, until she got pissed on by Brandy's Brother in a homemade sex tape. That's it. She has done little to nothing to benefit mankind & probably wouldn't piss on you, if you were on fire. She married a musically talented, eccentric asshole, who will probably be more remembered for his G.W. Bush comment or his Taylor Swift incident, than his musical career...This is news? This represents America? This is our Royal Family?
     We can't even have dyadic communication when it comes to real issues, for example: climate change, education reform, religion, women's rights, immigration, mental health, or the Second Amendment, to name a few, but we can overload the world wide web with these two assholes?
     As to Maya Angelou, if you don't know who she is, how she grew up, what she went through in life, and what she has accomplished, well then...shame on you. At least google her, dedicate 5 minutes of your time to learn about this Treasured American. Then get back to what's really important, what will Kimye name their next baby? (Remember, North is already taken)

Memorial Day

This weekend will be extremely challenging for most. We've endured since New Years, ignorant holiday after ignorant holiday, supported by the Alcohol, Candy & Greeting Card Industry. Now we are faced with a Holiday that has some meaning & most will be to busy drinking, grilling, puking, & filming themselves doing things that will end up on youtube as Darwin Award Nom...inations to pause & reflect upon this Great Nation... However, you still have a chance this weekend to make a difference. Start with Thanking a Veteran, Say the Pledge before you start binge drinking in the morning, wear a Patriotic Speedo, or at least smile while giving the finger on the highway when you are cut off by Cleetus in his SUV. That way, when you stagger into work on Tuesday & join in on the tall tales around the water cooler, you can keep your head held high, knowing you understood the true meaning of the holiday. 

Darwin's Smiling

I've read my last car stuck on the train tracks story. It's 2014 people. I don't understand how this happens period, let alone in this day & age. I think in the total history of train/automobile interaction, this should have happened maybe twice, both at night, pre WW II. I'm not saying that I'm cheering for the train, but this is now going to be filled in the same category with people who cover themselves in deer urine, approach a deer, get the sh*t kicked out of them, and wonder why....

Wanna-be Gangsta!

Tupac's last words were "F**K You" to the police officer that was first at the scene trying to help him according to a new interview....Funny, because my last words when hearing that he was gone were the same thing! A wanna-be-gangsta' that faked his way into a lifestyle that he was unprepared for & in the end, it cost him his life (should have stayed with Digital Underground & made bank on reunion-Humpty-Hump tours). I hope it was worth it, at least Vanilla Ice, when exposed as a fraud, had the sense to exit the game alive & hold on to his money...

Semi Pro (From May 18th)

Attention Guys that play Recreational Sports: Nobody Cares. That Simple. Standing next to my father today at Anna's piano recital, listening to him give a play by play of a golf scramble he played in on Monday, and I was ready to commit felony assault. My god, it's a scramble, not the final round of the US Open. Now if you had an incredible shot/hole in 1 or flipped the golf cart over in the bunker, that's different, but there is nothing more painful than to listen to two grown men talk at length about a recreational sporting event that has ZERO impact on humanity. What it says to me is that you are talking to somebody you either don't know very well, don't really like, or you hate your life to the point where you are praying that an asteroid tears through the roof eliminating all life on Earth...

Bad Parent! (From May 18th)

If you are the parent of a child or children under the age of 5 & you choose to take them to the: Movies, Opera, A Concert, Sporting Event, Fancy Restaurant, Musical Production, Antique Store, Hospital, Funeral, Wedding, or anywhere other than Wal-Mart, Chuck-E-Cheese, Toys-R-Us, or McDonalds, and they act a fool, throw a fit, scream, cry, won't sit down, shut up, ru...n buck wild, or essentially won't sit like a garden statue, well then....THAT'S ON YOU! What did you expect? To be fair, everybody gets one, but, because I know, YOUR kids are special, different, perfect, etc. & GOD bless you if they are (write a book, make millions), but you are setting everyone up for failure. They don't get it, you don't get it, and the masses don't get you for even trying. However, getting mad at the child, striking the child, yelling at the child doesn't solve anything & makes you look like an ASS. So do yourself & the world a favor, either stay at home or leave the kid at home, one of the few times where everybody is a legitimate winner!

Stupid is...(From May 12th)

Jameis Winston's father has done an interview about his son and other locals have chimed in as well. In a nutshell, the defense is, he's only 20, other college kids make mistakes, and he didn't know he would be in the spot light....BUUUUULLLLLLLSSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!! You were in the spotlight before you won the Heisman, for sexual assault charges (which went away), you WON the Heisman & NATIONAL TITLE and you didn't think you would get attention for that? Yes, other college kids make mistakes or do stupid things, but it's not like as long as there is a balance, you are allowed to do so as well. As to he's only 20? Is 20 the new 5? You can vote at 18 & die for your Country, but somehow at ONLY 20, you get a pass on everything? I'm not saying he should get the Death Penalty for stealing crab legs or even arrested, since he's a Heisman Winner, but blaming the number 20 is only acceptable if that's his IQ.

Tell the TRUTH! (From May 12th)

I think it's time that Oil & Coal follow the path of the Cigarette Companies & come clean...Yes our products are killing you & the environment, but we make so much money off of them & you are too stupid to stop using them that you tell 97% of the World's Scientist to F-Off. As long as we are making a profit, screw the Earth & the people living on it....It hasn't hurt cigarette sales globally, in fact, as they decline here, they are increasing in Asia/Pacific Islands, where the laws are more lax & they are even marketed as being good for you. Children smoke them at school! Worried about the cost? We wasted more money on 2 wars that would have more than paid to redo the grid, essentially providing free energy to the entire Country. As to the argument that even if America took action, the rest of the world won't, well that's just as lame. America used to lead, even if it wasn't popular. Now were the fat lazy guy living in his mom's basement that yells at the TV, saying, ain't affectin me none....

Michael Sam (From May 12th)

To all the racists, homophobes, mouth breathers, and those that believe the South will rise again that were outraged by the Michael Sam Coverage, F-off & Die... Really? You are that ignorant to tweet, post, and attempt to speak in complete sentences over him being drafted & then kissing his boyfriend? Here's my advise to you (if you are not choosing death) poke out y...our eyes now! Why? If you thought kissing was gross, well...there's a lot more that can go on between two young, fit, energetic men...if you know what I mean...if not, ask your cousin, that you all describe as "odd" or "off". I bet he knows... Otherwise, craw back under your porch & let the man play football. His skills will determine his fate, not your ignorance.
 

Don't Cry...(From May 6th)

All my life I've been told if you want somebody tough on crime, vote Republican. If you want a strong military leader, vote Republican. If you want a strong economy, vote Republican. Real Men are Republicans & Democratic men are pussies....Except....when you make fun of them. When that happens, like at the WHCD, then it's too personal, rude, insensitive, disrespectful, and blah-blah-blah... Where's the tuff guy now? Why are you being such a pussy? Are you not listening to the jokes or the roasting? Are you too busy preparing your fake outrage? They seem to be making fun of everyone, everything, if anything, it was almost not funny, because a lot of it was true! Real Men my ass, more like a bunch of uptight rich a-holes that can't take a joke, but attach Socialism, Communism and Fascism to everything that comes out of the lefts mouth, instead of talking/debating the REAL issues at hand, not the Fox Noise talking points.

Please Lie Carefully. (From May 6th)

Lying has been around ever since communication has existed. We all do it, whether it's about religion, fishing, number of donuts consumed, or how many times we have seen Die Hard. Sometimes we l...ie because we don't know the answers. Sometimes we lie because we panic or are afraid that the truth may be much to handle. Sometimes we lie to protect ourselves or others. Sometimes we lie because we are just bad people. I can accept all of those as part of the human condition & depending on the weight of the lie, will judge accordingly as to how I react to the lie & the person lying. What really frosts my ass is when I know you are lying & you continue on with the lie. This can range from did you eat my 100grand bar to Christopher Columbus discovering America & we still celebrate it as a holiday. My point is, if you are going to lie, lie well, & lie to the end! It's bad lying & the cover up that hurt me more than the actual lie did to begin with.

Episode 7 (From May 3rd)

When Star Wars came out, I was 4 1/2. The movie changed my life. I loved all three movies. I lived it, played it, slept in it, and dreamed of it. When the next three movies were released, I had grown older, the world had changed, the web was in full bloom, and information was coming at us 24/7. Were the prequels perfect? NO! Could they have been? Not to my generation. We expected way too much and no matter what George had done, we were not going to be satisfied. Somewhere during our adult years we decided we knew more about it than the creator did, and to our fault, we drove the creator out of the business. Now Disney owns the franchise, and they have a solid track record as of late with blockbusters. They are putting $200 million into this film, marketing on an unprecedented level, and possibly Theme Park additions. They will not fail at this & they have brought in the writer of Empire to kick it off. My gut tells me that Episode 7 will be a little too nostalgic, but will set up 8 & 9 in a way that will blow the minds of those who allow themselves to see the films as they did when they were kids, not middle aged cynical assholes...

Old People...(From April 27th)

So the owner of the L.A. Clippers may be a racist. They are... still the Clippers...but seriously, as the white race becomes the minority over the next few decades (already in California), you should expect to see more of this. It's fear & ignorance based. Personally, I welcome it & we as humans will still find other ways to discriminate against one another, color just won't be the go to move. Education is the key, as with most things in life, but be patient, because as the saying goes, can't fix stupid!

The Planet (From April 23rd)

Yesterday was Earth Day & I'm rather glad we didn't celebrate it or talk to much about it on the news or the social media outlets. I sleep well at night knowing that the Human race has all of the answers when it comes to the planet, our bodies, and our species. I like all the chemicals in our food because I know that there is nothing that could possibly go wrong there or these companies wouldn't put the chemicals there to begin with. I like the fact that we continue to use fossil fuels & pump chemicals into our water supplies to pull out more fuel. I bet those chemicals are good for us too & probably prevent cancer/other diseases. As for solar power & wind, those are just stupid & a waste of money & I'm tired of having that crammed down my throat. Let the Germans & the Chinese have that losing venture. It's clear to me that jobs are the most important thing when it comes to this planet. If we don't have jobs, then what? What's the point? Sure we could all die, everyone does, but if we don't have jobs, then we might as well be dead. As to the 97% of Scientist that believe in climate change, F-you, 3% don't & if Rudy, Hoosiers, and The Natural have taught me anything, it's you always pull for the underdog. Besides, if the 97% are correct, don't bother me none, I'll be dead. So keep on keepin on 'Merica, it's 5-O-Clock somewhere, my tractor is lookin sexy, & End Days are upon us anyways since we elected that Kenyan Muslim who burned the Constitution & ushered in a new era of Socialism...

Hockey is cool...(From April 20th)

I'm outraged that finding the NHL playoffs on television is more difficult than finding Waldo, Nemo, and that damn airplane. Meanwhile, The NBA (Nothing But Ass) is on every freaking channel, almost 24/7...Once Jordan retired, the League should have been disbanded and the rights sold to the lowest bidder with a clause that if games were to ever be played again, they could only be aired on public access television, after midnight.

Jesus Christ! (From April 18th)

As some of you celebrate this weekend, (the whole rabbit hiding eggs filled with candy) keep in mind what THE MAN was really all about. Strip away all the B.S. put out by the Church, Right Wing Groups, & men in funny costumes that are doing horrible things behind the curtain and look at the actual words. They may be hard to find. You may have to pause Idol/Housewives & put your I-phone down. Dig in, they are there. Often misquoted, often misguided, the words are there and even if you aren't Christian, they aren't too bad of words to live by...

Click This (From April 16th)

 I hope in my lifetime that the Internet will just do what I want when I click the mouse. It's so annoying to click on a story and either be forced to watch a tampon commercial for 30 seconds or the page appears to be doing absolutely nothing...After a 1000 mouse clicks, it tells me that the page isn't loading due to a long running script and would I like to stop it? ...F-yes I want to stop it, I'm not clicking the mouse for my health. As to all that shit they put on the sides of web pages, that is too close to the content I'm trying to look at or read, I should be asked to confirm that I want to go there, instead of windows popping open like a fireworks display in NY Harbor. Trust me if I need to save 15%, lose 15%, or add 15%, I'll find you, don't worry...

Bubba (From April 14th)

Congratulations to Bubba Watson for winning the 2014 Masters. Parents, keep your eye on this one, as far as your kids are concerned. No athlete should be a role model to kids, but he may be somebody you can admire from afar. Why? He celebrated his win at The Waffle House. Yes, The Waffle House. Seems pretty down to earth/humble to me or he really needed a colon cleanse after that back 9 at Augusta...

Keep your shoes on! (From April 10th)

I don't care what your politics are, because half of the Country is bat shit crazy & the other half are just crazy, but this is The United States of America. Throwing shoes is something they do in Iraq and other shit holes around the world. Unless we are declaring that the good ole' U.S. of A is the new frontier of shit holes, then people need to knock it off with the shoe throwing. That person should be sent to a Black Ops sight never to be heard from again.

New Amendment (From April 9th)

The next Constitutional Amendment has to be, without exception, that NO U.S. News agency ever begin their broadcast with anything about the Royal Baby. I don't give a flying F**k if George can speak 5 languages & cures Cancer before he's potty trained. He's part of the British Royal Family (whom we kicked out) & has nothing to do with our system of Government or social spectrum. His only purpose in life, Work? NO, it's to sell tickets to things that take place in England to boost their tourist economy. I can't imagine waking up in London, turning on the telly & The BBC comes on the air and leads with news that Blue Ivy has successfully solved her father's 99 problems.

Parenting Tip (From April 9th)

I'm really happy for you mom at Culver's for teaching your 2 year old how to throw trash away. I think that is great that you are teaching him responsibilities, even though he has no clue as to why. What doesn't make me happy is your choice of timing. There is a line out the door, there are no tables open, and you have chosen the trash can at the epicenter of the drink & condiment station. Little Billy, who can hardly stand & wobbles his way in and out of adults trying to make it to the trash can, is no longer cute. It's annoying & you are being rude by insisting now is the time for trash can 101. Pick Billy up, dump the trash, pack up all your supplies (apparently a month's worth) you thought were needed for lunch, and kindly move on. Instead of hearing, "oh-how cute-what a big boy", the eyes of the world are staring at you, thinking at best, I hope I don't trip over this kid, because I'll be the A-hole and what is she thinking, I bet her husband hates coming home from work... 

Female PSA (From April 8th)

Attention Ladies: This is my annual public service announcement for 2014.

First, love ya all, and I'm not complaining, but I need you all to be aware, to avoid misunderstandings.

With the weather warming up, v-cut & u-cut tops seem to be the choice of garment worn, typically loose fitting. This is fine & appreciated, but I feel some of you are either unaware or are engaging in an unfair game... Because when you move, bend over, stretch, etc. parts become exposed....

Men look. Period. If you are offended, change your wardrobe. That simple. We can't change.

Until 2015, have a wonderful spring & summer and on behalf of 88% of the men in the world, Thank You!

Smells like...(From April 5th)

20 years ago it stopped smelling like teen spirit and as quickly as it replaced the King of Pop on the music charts, grunge soon faded away as a former Mouseketeer ushered in a new era of bubble gum music that continues to this day. Sure there have been some quality bands since and other genres have arose briefly during this era, but nothing changed the fabric of music in the early 1990's more than Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl, and Krist Novoselic. I'll never forget the first time I heard them, I wasn't sure if I loved it or hated it, but I knew it was something special & something I better understand quickly. Their music stands the test of time, a tribute to their hard work, musical skills, and embodiment of the spirit of Rock-N-Roll.

Thank You Mr. Letterman (From April 5th)

There is no replacing David Letterman. He stands alone. He may not have had the ratings Leno had, but his audience had a higher IQ. A disciple of Carson, Letterman did not let the NBC job keep him down or make him bitter, instead, with Carson's support, he thrived at CBS, and not only continued Carson's legacy of Hosting, but paved the way for future generations of L...ate Night Hosts. When Dave exits the Sullivan theater for the last time in 2015, the TV landscape will have been forever changed and a void created that cannot be filled...
 

Death in America (From March 28th)

I'm tired of reading about the Death Penalty debate. We need to come to a conclusion once and for all & stop having silly arguments over how it's done. If we as a society feel that killing you for a crime you have committed is legitimate, then it needs to be swift, both in time it takes to do it & time in relation to the crime. None of this 40 years on death row, a last meal, then a designer drug that puts you to sleep, after they have swabbed your arm first, you know, to prevent infection, but a firing squad, wood chipper (child killers/rapists), guillotine, or having to marry Gweneth Paltrow & watch her movies until you pass (30min max). If we feel it doesn't work or detour crime, then life in prison, 12hr/day-hard labor that benefits society, no television, conjugal visits, pasta nights, or the ability to cash in on your criminal activities. An actual punishment that fits the crime, otherwise we will continue to send a mixed message to all that we really don't know what we are doing as a Nation & we should all return to our Countries of Origin & return the land to the Native Americans.

Enough is Enough! (From March 23rd)

The U.S. has already spent millions & the cost of looking for this missing plane is in the hundreds of millions, according to reports and it makes me ponder a question few are willing to ask... Is this the best use of this money, on a global scale? Yes, it's sad, closure would be nice, and I admit, if I had family on that plane, I'd want answers too, but at what cost? Literally? ...At what point do we stop looking? What if we never find it? What if the cost creeps into the billions or other planes crash looking for it or searchers die looking for the plane? At some point, the benefit that money could have been used to help others has to out weigh the 230+ people we are looking for and if I was on a plane that turned out missing, at some point I would hope the money wouldn't be used looking for me, when it could help so many others (besides, I know what happens, first, my volleyball floats away & to add insult to injury, when I'm found, Helen Hunt keeps my car, but has kids with some other guy!)...I see those commercials where for 50 cents per day you can feed a hungry child, buy mosquito nets for families, clean drinking water, save a dog, etc. and I just start to scratch my head and wonder...

March Morons (From March 20th)

The worst part of March Madness? FB Status Updates...Of course your bracket was perfect until Ball-U's point guard fell down the stairs, Companies like giving away a Billion Dollars every year, because it's so easy to pick a bracket correctly. It's Obvious to us, reading your post, you had State Tech winning, but then you changed it because you got a hot tip, but now wish you hadn't, & if it wasn't for that, you would have won some unheard of amount of money at work that would have paid off your Two Jet Skis that you keep at that Lake none of us have heard of... Usually the person who wins the office pool is a small child that made their picks based on the mascots or an old woman that picked the winner based on the color of their uniforms in relation to the average low temperature of the town they are from. Rarely is it won by Fantasy Boy, who lives in his mothers basement, with 3 TV's, 2 computers, & owns Stock in Doritos.

Jenny, I liked you better naked. (From March 15th)

I always thought when the annals of History would be written, Jenny McCarthy would be but a footnote, a nod to the obnoxiously sexy era of the 90's that helped shift MTV away from music and in to scripted television...Sadly, I feel I will stand corrected. She may now receive a couple of sentences or even a paragraph as the cause or at least, most infamous spokesperson for the ever growing number of uneducated people that are choosing not to vaccinate their children & ushering in diseases that were almost eradicated or at least thought of as diseases from the past that your great grandparents complained about.... I liked her better when she was just naked & silent!

Buffet Etiquette (From March 11th)

The buffet line, soda station, or salad bar is NOT the place to hold a conversation. That is what the table is for. I shouldn't be subjected to your fabulous story about your cute cat & that thing she does when you do that thing you do or what they found growing on Aunt Edna's colon. Nor should I have to stand & wait while you drink 32ozs of your 64oz soda, so you ca...n refill it, drink another 16oz, hit it again, and again...Drink that much soda, you won't have any room for chocolate fountain that you plan on dipping your side of beef in (If the place is dead & you want to take a drink, top it off, fine). Most working people are on a lunch schedule, so we don't have the luxury of enjoying your big adventure in eating! So, let's review & make this simple: 1. STF Up. 2. Get your food/drink like you are in a race. 3. Sit the F**k down like you are in trouble. 4. Tell your stupid story without spitting food on the listener & at a volume that won't reach to Europe's mainland. 5. Try & have a pinch of respect for the rest of the world, since we are the ones that will probably be paying your medical bills when you overdose after eating 14lbs worth of food in one sitting (with a Diet Coke, of course)...

Daylight Savings NO MORE! (From March 8th)

Tomorrow we "Spring Forward," thus creating the worst morning of the year as your body screams WTF? It's 2014 people, we have indoor plumbing, GPS systems, many believe the world is round & older than 6,000 years, and the original intent of DSL isn't appropriate for modern society. What is the genetic flaw in humans that we have to cling to rituals and laws from days of yore? Why is it so hard to evolve as a society and move on when the obvious is obvious? Now is the time , let's keep moving forward, and while were at it, replace Columbus Day with a real holiday, move the Super bowl to Saturday, and stop using a Rabbit hiding eggs as the official mascot of Easter!

Kids at Bars? Really? (From March 8th)

If you are a parent of a child & you think it's ok to take them to a Bar, then you need to really think about choosing to become a parent. People don't go to bars to deal with children. These places are intended for adults. They have adult themes, adult conversations, and adult activities. I shouldn't have to be on "ear muff" alert because you couldn't find a baby sitter or selfishly want to parade your kid around. If you can't provide for your child, then stay home, it's part of being a parent, you know, the 24/7 part...and just because people oooh and aaaahh at the sight of little Billy or Susie when you come through the door, diaper bag & all, they are cussing you up & down on the inside and behind your back!   

Wine This... (From March 8th)

Dear Wine Drinkers, stop telling me I haven't found the right type of wine yet. I don't like it. It's that simple. I don't give a shit what blend of grapes, where it was grown, who's name is on the bottle, etc. I've tried it, didn't enjoy it, and moved on. Who are you to tell me that somehow I'm defective for not liking wine? What a bunch of snobs. You should be happy, it's more wine for you & your up tight friends to stick your noses in, swirl it, then drink it like it's Elizabeth Hurley's bath water. I'm doing very well enjoying my Bud Light, thanks for your fake concern.

15 minutes... (From March 6th)

When buying Insurance, time is not an issue. 15 minutes and now 7 1/2 minutes??? I would like to make a more informed decision, weigh my options, I'm not in a hurry, I want the best possible coverage for a fair price & I expect it to take some time.... What would I like to take 15 minutes or less? Going to the Dentist, Proctologist, School Play's, Funerals, Weddings, anything involving In-laws, McDonald's Drive Thru, The State of The Union Address, Church, Staff Meetings, shoveling my driveway, and flights to Hawaii....

Ellen's Oscars (From March 3rd)

Good Job America. The reviews of Ellen's hosting gig at the Oscars have been positive, I even saw a Fox News anchor talk about what a good job she did! She broke Twitter, ordered Pizza, dissed Liza Minnelli (who deserved it, sit/sober up, they are honoring your Mom), and even made fun of herself. What did America do to earn my Good Job comment? It was the fact that the word GAY wasn't preceding all of the coverage, Gay comedian Ellen hosted...gay comedian Ellen was... It was just Ellen. She wasn't the stereotype that too many Americans & Bible Thumpers have about "the gays" and their "sinful" lifestyle. Keep this up America, and that cousin you have that you think is a little "off" may reach a point where he/she can "come out" and live a free/peaceful life that we all deserve. (speaking of needing to "come out," nice job Travolta, somebody order him Rosetta Stone, ASAP).

15 yards? (From March 3rd)

The NFL is proposing a 15yd penalty... if you are using the "N" word on the field of play. I'm not sure about this. Yes the word is horrible & shouldn't be used & there are other words that are offensive too. The ramifications of a referee throwing a flag & say, for example, penalizing Peyton Manning 15 yards could be devastating, not only to the NFL, but his many sponsors. There are a lot of things that take place on the field of play and in the locker room that most people don't understand, couldn't explain and would be horrified if they heard or witnessed such events. Not to mention the context of such words isn't being taken in to consideration & who is saying them to whom. I feel this is a dangerous-slippery slope & a better course of action would be 1. Education and 2. Either have a 15 second delay in live events or realize that if you stick a camera/mic in somebodies face in the heat of battle, even golf (Tiger), you may not like/understand what you are hearing. Just imagine having to explain/justify what came out of your mouth if you were broadcast live, to the world, when you stepped on a Lego, got a paper cut, or kicked the bed post at 2am while going pee...
 

Putin This...(From March 1st)

Dear Russia, We won the 1st Cold War because of the efforts of Sylvester Stallone (Rocky 4) & the late Patrick Swayze (Red Dawn). We'll win the 2nd one too, because if there is one thing Americans can agree on to hate, it's your ass-backwards-Communist-gay hating-dog killing style of Government. Even if our President is a Kenyan born Muslim, educated at the Communist school of Harvard, like some news outlets say, he likes to kill & has the droning track record to prove it. Bring it on, boost our economy, put people back to work, and allow us, once again, to show you what Freedom is all about! Sincerely, Americans addicted to War (John McCain President)

War? (From Feb 28th)

I keep reading that there is a war on this and a war on that on the world wide webs & various news outlets...You know what there is a war on? Intelligence. All these other war (s) are made up BULLSH*T to make money, attract viewers, & scare the hell out of stupid people into voting one parties agenda. This fear based media, on both sides, needs to go, there is plenty... of actual news to fill a 24hr news channel without making stuff up. The problem is, most of the ACTUAL news doesn't generate ad revenue...
 

Goodbye Baseball (From Feb 26th)

People that post the cute little posting equating baseball to intelligence, and if you don't like it, maybe you are dumb... Go Blank Yourself. Maybe some of us are tired of a sport that continuously lies to the fans, levies punishments like they are dealing with 4yr olds, refuses to join us in the 21st century, games lasting longer than most marriages & the fact that A-Rod is still alive. With 3 kids, work, a house, marriage, my free time is limited, why would I want to spend any of it on something that doesn't care if I live or breath, isn't affordable to a normal family, and if I do get a chance to watch, Joe Buck & Tim Mc Carver won't shut up and allow me to enjoy the game? No Thanks Baseball, I've got better things to do...

My fellow Republicans (From Feb 26th)

If I were a Republican, I'd be pissed. If I were a Democrat, I'd be silent, except to say, "Go on..." The more people like Ted Nugent, Todd Akin and Others speak, the more General Elections they lose & the more polarized we become as a Nation... It's not only embarrassing, ignorant, and not supported by basic Science, there are certain things you just need to be silent on, when speaking to the Nation. Here's my advise, treat an issue like you would listening to Gangsta Rap. When you are in the car, windows rolled up & alone, let it flow, Rap your heart out. As soon as you put it in park & step out in to the public, switch over to DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince. It's really that simple.

Heaven (From Feb. 24th)

 After a long escalator ride, I envision Heaven beginning with a short film, an accurate history of the world, explaining many things, for example: Why do people overpay for Diamonds when their actual value is $5/carat, who shot JFK, why Yoko Ono existed, how was After M*A*S*H* so terrible compared to it's predecessor, Who did let the dogs out, and why do people watch Nascar.... Then I will be whisked away on a cloud to the first tee of Augusta National where I will be joined by Bo Jackson, George Lucas, Coach K and Dennis Leary for a quick 18, with my trusty-beautiful caddie Elizabeth Hurley on my bag (giggity) as I claim my first of many Masters Titles...

Racism is Over! (From Feb. 24th)

Congratulations to all my Black Friends! I heard the great news today, at Wendy's, from two guys sitting at the table next to me, that Racism is OVER!!! I was elated to know that Obama had cut our Military to pre WWII levels, which means that black people will receive TWO gifts! A larger welfare check & a second cell phone!!! But wait, there's even more!!! If we do g...o to war, Obama will bring back the draft, and only white people will be eligible, because they are not on welfare!!! I just want to say enjoy your new found equality & remember me when I'm in the trenches over in China... We are so blessed as a Nation!!!! USA! USA! USA!

Pussy on the News? (From Feb. 20th)

I'm 99.9% sure if the Russian Band Pussy Riot was named something else, say Kitten Peaceful, we would have never known of their plight. This is just an excuse for news execs to revert to their teenage years (which I'm all for) and get away with potty/risqué humor.

Little Pee-Pee Syndrome (From Feb. 20th)

If your truck is so big that you can not back out of a parking spot in less than 9 moves, this says two things about you. 1. You don't need a truck that big or you would know how to maneuver it. 2. How small is "it" that you need a truck that big to prove you are a man? (I'm guessing teeny-weeny)

Miley, WTH? (From Feb. 19th)

Based on early world wide web rreports & photographic documentation, it may be safer/cleaner to rent a pornographic film, than attend Miley Cyrus's concert. Not only is Hannah Montana Dead, it's like it never happened...I wish I could say the same about her father.

God is Funny! (From Feb. 16th)

So God tells you to "take up snakes," (Jamie Coots of Snake Salvation) you... are bitten by one of your snakes, refuse medical treatment & die? ...This sounds more like Darwinism... I guess he didn't believe enough or God really does have a sense of humor.
 

Why bother Sports Illustrated? (From Feb 15th)

I think it's safe to say in 2014, with things like the World Wide Web, smart phones,3DTV, etc. That if you see a man with the SI Swimsuit edition, it's for the articles.

Bible Humpers (From Feb 14th)

From now on, when I hear anyone saying anything hateful, ignorant, or Bible based towards Homosexuals, I'll just assume that YOU are gay & are too afraid or insecure to come out.

Valentines Day

My least favorite day of the year, by far! As Americans, in an attempt to show love, overspend on things that die, come from volcanoes, & are ripped off within 30 seconds...You know you have truly found somebody special, when you hear her refer to this day as Friday.

Terrorize This! (From Feb. 6th)

I think people need to reexamine the word Terror. By reporting that there could be tooth paste bombs, 2 days before the start of the Olympics, with really nothing people can do about it, you are terrorizing them mentally. They don't actually have to use them, to create terror. If I were a terrorist, before every major event, I would just make up a random item, as the new weapon of terror, because clearly it works & draws attention to your cause. It would be nice if Viagra was chosen, so they would stop running those ads 24/7...
 

Black History Month? (From Feb. 3rd)

We are 3 days in to Black History Month & I always here the following ignorant comment: "why don't we have white history month?" I would take the time to explain it, but you aren't going to listen anyways. My wish, is that one day, we don't have Black History Month because we have evolved enough as a species that we only have to teach History, encompassing all of mankind.

Working for my Dad (From Jan. 30th)

Here is what it's like doing a project for my Dad. Show up on time, he'll be late, you bring all the tools, equipment & supplies, he will carry nothing. You do all the labor, while he hovers over you asking 100 questions/minute or doubting your success on everything. Then when you are finished, he says it looks OK, but didn't think it should have taken so long, lets go to lunch.

We have enough Racist words! (From Jan 28th)

I am not going to subscribe to the theory that THUG is the new "N" word. The "N" word is the "N" word. Just like I don't subscribe to comparing anything to the Nazis. The Nazis stand alone. We need more unification i...n the world, not more division, and we certainly don't need more words to describe a race that can be confused with other words. I don't want to see on the news where an elderly person is shot to death because she said the words Vanilla Shake at McDonalds & it was interpreted as a racial term describing Dutch-Albinos with Parkinson's.
 

Super Bowl Saturday (From Jan 27th)

The Super Bowl should be played on Saturday. This is too obvious. It would give everyone Sunday time to sober up, find their pants, try & remember the girls name they are laying next to, & most of all, be able to function at work Monday, since about 7 million people will call in sick due to Super Bowl related activities.

Lady Parts (From Jan 27th)

Thanks Mike Huckabee & Republican men everywhere. I find it amazing you know so much about lady parts, since most of your scandals involve men. Here is some simple advise when ...it comes to discussing lady bits, STFU!