The World Wide Web: Humanities Mirror

Every now and then my father will contact me and describe in way too much detail an episode of Law & Order Special Old People’s Unit, and go on and on about how they found this person that was into whiffle ball bats, small farm animals, Nutella, and pictures of Unicorns. He’ll then proceed to lament that this sort of behavior didn’t happen when he was growing up and this is all a result of liberals taking over the media, education, and forcing their perversions upon wholesome Americans…

Well, that is horseshit. Over the last few days, weeks, months, and years, it seems that we are forced to take a hard look in the mirror over many issues (terrorism, war, poverty, taxes, equality) that we don’t want to talk about or in many cases don’t want to admit exists…For example, too many people respond to #BlackLivesMatter with #AllLivesMatter (well of course all lives matter, if you are a caring human being, but all lives right now don’t feel like they are suffering or in pain, so maybe listen to what they have to say, assessing if it’s a valid point, and working towards a solution, like the police department in Dallas was doing, with great results, instead of being so offended and coming across as an uniformed-insensitive-racist). There is a simple and clear explanation for this giant mirror being thrust upon us as individuals and society as a whole, the internet.

The internet (World Wide Web) has opened the doors to the soul of humanity, good/bad, right/wrong, and it appears that even though this tool has been around to the masses for two decades, too many of us are only comfortable with it when we are using it for our own personal needs. Whether that be shopping, educational reasons, gaming, or porn…However, when the truest form of Democracy shows us injustice, racism, strife, extreme poverty, war, or Kathy Bates naked, we immediately call out for a simpler time & click on kitten videos…

The truth is, all of this has been going on long before the internet, long before the “liberals” took over, and even during Reagan’s America…Some of the oldest books we reference deal with murder, slavery, incest, rape, taxes, war, abusive politicians, and even this miraculous process of turning water into wine…The same internet that allows you to have your groceries delivered to your door is the same internet that may prevent a teen that is transgender from feeling alone & killing themselves…This tool may help an innocent man have his conviction overturned, allowing him to go free, or it may aide a lost soul to plan & commit a horrific crime…Preserving this truest form of Democracy & allowing all of humanity to have a voice must be preserved, whether we as individuals feel comfortable or not.

The internet doesn’t need any rules or censorship.  It’s the humans using it that need the help. We need help understanding people of different color, religion, socioeconomic backgrounds, and lifestyles. We need to better understand gentrification, poverty, and social injustice. We need help to see that everything isn’t black and white, and that’s ok, grey is nice too (look at my kitchen cabinets)…Most of all, we need to listen when others talk, so that communication flows in a dyadic pattern, not linear…I’ve seen too many cryptic posts over the last few days that do nothing to advance the conversation or humanity, all they are doing is to continue to divide & build walls…That’s not a slam on Trump, I welcome his honesty, candor, and the conversations he’s begun. I don’t agree with all of them, but in a silver-lining sort of way, he’s forcing the world to have conversations, many of which the world has gone decades without having…The results of that (and many other conversations we aren’t having & need to) are to be determined, but the beauty of the internet is, they can’t hide for long and neither should we…

As to Law & Order, never watched it, I prefer comedies…Besides, it only takes a few clicks to discover these types of lifestyles & which ones are living on your street…

Stick to YOUR Point.

One of the many benefits of vacation (especially a road trip), is I am taken out of the news loop, for the most part & don’t have to waste any energy on social, political, or Kardashian related bull-shit…That being said, when I have checked in, there seems to be a few stories dominating the news cycle. One is a crazy-ass billionaire that can’t shut up (ever) about any & everything and the other is about the dentist who killed the lion. Now I haven’t fully read/educated myself on this (I will next week) but I can draw a few conclusions based on what I have read & seen so far...

First, everyone seems really pissed, on both sides. I attribute this to a couple of things. One, when it comes to Nature, too many of us forget that we are a part of it, not over or above it. Two, when it comes to animals, humans are the biggest hypocrites of all times. Eat a cow or chicken, no big deal. Eat a dog or horse; you are on par with a serial killer. Fish/Shrimp, nobody gives a crap. BBQ a polar bear and the neighbors burn your house down…When it comes to animals, we all have love/hate relationships & for the most part, we are all hypocrites. I’ve seen people go ape shit over a turtle crossing the road & then kill a bee without flinching…

Second, why does there always have to be a line drawn? An either or? Maybe I’m in a rare group of humans, that should be studied & paid, but my brain allows me to think about multiple subjects at a time. Every time something happens, it doesn’t need to be compared to something else. They are separate events, even if they fall into similar categories. It’s not either-or/black & white. What does shooting a lion have to do with planned parenthood? (Nothing) What does shooting a lion have to do with Tennessee? (nothing) What does shooting a lion have to do with anything else, NOTHING…This is manufactured outrage. I can be pissed that the McRib isn’t offered year round while being equally pissed that Madonna won’t perform at my birthday, while at the same time being pissed that the second half of Man of Steel sucked, and still have enough pistivity left for political, social, and global issues…I’m full of it. I have enough piss to go around. All this fake outrage does is deflect from the issue or change the subject while diluting the narrative. Meanwhile whatever the original issue was, gets lost forever in an endless spiral of secondary arguments. It’s an adult version of the telephone game (gone wrong) that we played in kindergarten. Tell one adult a lion was shot and 25^th adult is pissed that Tom Brady’s suspension was upheld.

If you are pro killing a lion, state it, don’t bring up another topic and if you are anti-lion killing, state that, without bringing up any other killing. It seems that as we de-evolve into a tablet driven, scooter riding culture, multitasking is a function that humans no longer possess.

God Wants You to Buy Flowers?

Saturday Morning Conundrum:  I have 3 questions for Debbie Dills, the woman who aided police in finding The D-Bag-Rebel who tried (and failed) to restart the Civil War…First, let me say to her, thank you for doing your civic duty & going the extra mile (rim shot) in tailing him. That was a brave thing to do & you helped end a chapter to a tragic situation…However, after seeing you repeatedly on television, my George Carlin Bullshit meter (installed by the UN) began ringing and while I was up at 6:30am raking leaves & spraying for bugs (in a vain effort to escape today's hellish weather), I had a fascinating conversation with myself that left me with 3 questions…

1. You keep saying you are a vessel for the God, that God did this, & that God deserves all the glory, credit, etc… So am I to understand that God killed 9 people in his own house of worship, during a prayer meeting, so he could then, through you, catch the bad guy & get all the credit?  

2. If this was part of “Gods Plan” then where does Free Will fit in to all of this? If he plans & executes everything, then Free Will doesn’t exist, which is a major bone of contention among many Christians…

3. Conceding the point that it is “Gods Plan,” did he direct you to do interview after interview in front of the Floral shop, with the phone number in frame, or was that just a coincidence, sorry, I mean miracle?  

Do you see what I see? (A symbol of Hate)

I can’t stand anymore of this argument and I’m tired of the excuses and bullshit. Ask yourself this. Are the children of Nazis flying swastika flags on their version of Memorial Day? Do they have swastika license plate frames? Do they fly a swastika flag at German war memorials? Are the German people proud of their heritage from 70+ years ago? Do they name their children & grandchildren Adolf? I’m sure there are a few exceptions, but overwhelmingly, you can’t get a German to discuss that era, because they are ashamed of it…Now I’m not comparing the actions of the Nazis to those of the Confederates in a 1:1 example of evil, but if your IQ is over 75, you can see the theme developing here.

 I may have some relatives that fought for the South, I honestly can’t remember. I may have had both, but I’ll concede it’s a possibility, so all I can say is Fuck you, you treasonous pieces of shit. You damn near destroyed my way of life & our Country because of your ignorance and backwards logic. I don’t honor you, I’m ashamed of you. I don’t care that you believed it, because it was wrong. Time doesn’t excuse the behavior either, you quit our Country & killed Americans, including one of our greatest Presidents, not to mention the whole issue of slavery (which is another rant all together).

 Thankfully, post-Civil War, cooler heads prevailed & the South was allowed back in. The South accepted, and has drug its moronic feet ever since, & still does in some parts. It’s beyond time to get rid of that flag & all it stands for. There is nothing positive about it. When I see that moronic symbol, there are two things that come to mind. First is what an inbred-racist-piece of shit that is, who is out of touch with 2015 (which may be not true & unfair, but that’s the risk you take, kind of like if you wore a white bed sheet & hood to a club on Halloween, claiming you were a ghost). Second, the Dukes of Hazzard was a terrible television program & how dumb were we to be duped by stock footage of that car making the same jump every time (99% of the reason anybody watched was Catherine Bach)…

Now if you are offended by this, then good. Think of how a majority of one race feels or decedents of Union soldiers feel when they see that nut-incrusted-turd flapping in the wind or stuck to the back of a truck.  Its 2015, the world isn’t flat, the sun doesn’t revolve around the earth, & the South was wrong.

Three Holes, One Country.

 In case you were wondering what Sean Hannity, Kanye West, and a cartoon drawing of an asshole have in common, the answer is quite simple. They all spread shit and disease in one form or another around the world. They are a required part of a functioning civilization, but every now and then they open up too wide and that creates nothing but a mess. Now it would be too easy to attack Hannity and Kanye for their opinions and views as a whole, but what they are currently doing speaks to a larger issue that has been unfolding for a long time, has passed critical mass, and most of us live our lives without paying it any attention, which is to our own demise.

There was a time in this Country where families would gather around the television and watch the nightly news. It wasn't always lively, often quite boring, but it was there to inform the population of events from around the world to around the block. Newspapers played a prominent role too, and for better or for worse, the truth was at the heart of the information presented. Sure there were mistakes and being that we are human, there were misreportings, but on a whole, people felt like they could believe what they were reading and seeing when they came home from work. The news was often lagging behind the events as they unfolded, but I would argue that was a good thing, because it allowed for more vetting and as all too common today, cut through many of the mistakes of a 24/7 news cycle.

So where does Hannity fit into this? It’s his recent attack on Brian Williams, with the banner LIAR, covering the bottom right corner of his screen. Hannity seems to love the downfall of a Network Anchor. We are just days into the Brian Williams story, and it doesn't look good (I’ll admit), however, this shouldn't be celebrated or applauded by any person in journalism (or as a talk show host like Sean Hannity). The problem with Hannity, Maddow, and others is, they aren't news anchors presenting news, and they are entertainers, masquerading as news, while presenting information to their target audience. I have no problem with this. Where it becomes murky is the mass populous of people that watch these types of programs for their news.  Attacking Williams and celebrating another networks credibility issue hurts all parties involved. Recently Fox News had to issue multiple on air apologies and that benefited nobody as well.

Whether it’s Vietnam/Watergate/Iran Contra/Lewinsky/911/Iraq and countless other stories that have been misreported on, it drives the confidence of the viewer lower and lower, it weakens their belief in the system. It gives rise to conspiracy, creates radical groups that have only serve the purpose of spreading more fear and generating profits for themselves.  When there is a breakdown in honest journalism and our Government is allowed to go unchecked, liberty is lost, money is wasted, and people die. It’s really that simple. So instead of celebrating Brian Williams and lampooning NBC, other Networks, News Institutions, and Talk Shows should take this time to do a self-audit, make sure their house is in order, and under no circumstances should they be throwing stones, being that they live in a glass house as well.  

As to Mr. West and his recent outburst over Beyoncé not winning a Grammy, shut the fuck up.  Voting took place, and she didn't win. Not everybody wins (unless you are youth sports teams), and the Grammy’s has a history of being out of touch. Personally, I couldn't tell you one song off of Beck or Beyoncé’s album, but I didn't tune in for the awards...I like the awkward duets and the section where they list everyone who died the previous year. What Kanye doesn't understand is, it’s not up to him to determine the winners or the losers. How you lose says a lot more about you than how you win, and he clearly can’t handle losing. Plus, he’s married to a giant ass, so why does he have dog in this fight? If anyone should have complained, it would be Mr. Beyoncé.

This behavior by Kanye is seen daily in public schools and it’s a direct example of children not being taught manners, rules, respect, and life lessons that prepare them for adulthood. It is Mr. West’s opinion that Beyoncé should have won, but he is not the King and he alone does not decide the outcome. Instead of staying in his seat, clapping for Beck (or just remaining silent) he faked another stage rush, then went off in the media later. This speaks volumes to his character as a man, human being, and as an artist. This type of behavior should not be encouraged or supported. However, we all know that he will not only profit from this, but will continue to be invited to similar events, because it draws in ratings.

As to your actual asshole, wash it daily, and whatever you do with it beyond that is your own business. Just remember, we need daily, accurate news, because without it, we are lost as a people. We need the news so we can help a family whose house has burned down or donate items to victims of an earthquake/flood. The news can help us make informed decisions when it comes to vaccinations, political campaigns, or who won the game in your local town. It lets us know when loved ones have passed, when a road is going to be closed, or if we are in for a storm. The news is a vital part of our daily lives, whether we sit down around the TV or have it sent directly to our phones. Protecting the integrity of the News should be everyone’s number one goal and concern. When there is a breach in that information, it should be corrected quickly, so that the trust of the people is restored immediately. People that are trying to shape the news, influence it, corrupt it, or steer it in one direction should be watched closely and taken with a grain of salt. We should be aware of where we are getting our news from and if it is from a variety show, checking that against other points of view, so we can have a more informed public, one that knows right from wrong, and can accept the outcome. Otherwise we end up with Milli Vanilli, and I can’t imagine what Kanye’s reaction to that would have been.

F......-The Police (2014 Remix)

Michael Brown's body was still lying in the middle of the street in Ferguson, Missouri when it occurred to me that the issue at hand was never going to be about what truly happened between the Officer and Brown.  It was going to reach much deeper, into that area of America that few Americans like to go.  It's a painful area, with a long dark past rooted in suffering, misunderstanding, and a common belief that we as Americans still haven’t come to a conclusion on the issue that will satisfy all parties involved. Sadly, this issue seems to erupt on an annual basis, never actually black and white, always grey, and time and time again, there is no true resolution, just more pain and misunderstanding. Nothing seems to work and with each issue, advancement in technology, and abundance of cameras, the problem at hand ever so slowly comes in to focus, but never quickly enough. Much of what has happened in Ferguson, Missouri could have been prevented, but that is for another day.  I want to specifically target one piece of the puzzle and offer some an alternative to many of the negative images that that never should have occurred but that we did unfortunately see in Ferguson. I’m talking to you Officer, and all I have to say to you is F…-The Police! (More on that later).

 As a child growing up, the most common misconception I had of the police was that they were all fat and ate too many donuts. I rarely encountered the police and when I did, they were usually handing out candy, football cards, or talking to us with McGruff the Crime Dog. Depending on who I was riding with in the car, we either got a speeding ticket (Dad) or was let off with a warning (Mom) but I think that was due to the length of shorts worn in the 70’s. I watched police shows on television, but they were positive, and the cops were always out getting the bad guys. The only really negative images I had seen of the police were old time film from the civil rights era and that was always explained to me that real police don’t act that way, those cops were racist. Sounded good to me, until around 1988…

My first day at work at the local grocery store I was put in the bottle room with a guy named Mike. He had one of the biggest boom boxes I had ever seen & blaring out of it was “Fuck the Police” by NWA. I stood there for a minute, wondering who the hell was this guy? Was I in imminent danger, and why would anybody say anything like that about the police? We instantly bonded and the next day I bought Straight Outta Compton and listened to it night and day. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, the pain, the agony, the hate, and overall mistrust. Surely they were mistaken or maybe the racist cops from the South had all moved to Compton? I even played it for my dad, and he looked at me and said that is just bullshit, I hope you didn’t spend money on that!

Then over the next few years, events began unfolding on television, movies, and even more so in the form of Rap music (the 10 year fad my dad warned me about, but is still here today). For many Americans, the portion of the Rodney King beating they played over and over set in motion this visual distrust that began reaching in to middle America, confirming what few had heard, while lending voice to what many of the black community had lived & witnessed firsthand. However, America still refused to hold the conversation on race, equality, and the rise of the police force. Events continued to unfold and basically, as long as it wasn’t in your back yard, then fine. Meanwhile, with each injustice, perceived injustice, or even justified event occurring between the police & the citizenship they are here to protect and serve, the communication has never been clear, honest, dyadic, and resolute. Continuing to leave that “if” in the narrative, enhances the slow boil that looms underneath every street in America and seemingly on an annual basis explodes in a community, now dotting the map all over the United States.

What can be done? Our President lacks the leadership skills, political capital, and resources to address the issue head on. Congress is about as useful as dollar store toilet paper. All the legitimate civil rights leaders are either dead, making money off of the problem, or don’t exist. We the People, as a whole, don’t care, unless it’s in our backyard, then the consensus is to usually shoot everyone, so who does that leave to take this issue head on, begin the conversation, listen, and resolve this issue that continues to fester under our collective skin? The Police, that’s who.  They seem to be the common thread, both in the real world and the perceived one. So who better and here’s how:

First, STFU when it comes to your opinions about whether or not the St. Louis Rams players walked in with their hands up. The only thing you should have said when asked is, that’s their right, and we are here to protect that right. Complaining about it says that one, you don’t support the right to free speech, unless you agree with it. Second, it sounds/appears that you are somehow the victim in all this. America lost that day, not just you. Third, you just draw more attention to the fact that there is little to no communication between you and the citizens you represent. If you were to engage in communication, maybe people wouldn’t feel that way?

Second, enough with the posting on social media either directly or indirectly every time a black person has harmed a white person. This screams racism at the public. Saying things like where are the protests? Where are the rioters? Where’s Al Sharpton? really sends a negative message and makes you look really ignorant. First of all, there’s no score to keep, and if there was, I don’t think in the brief history of this Republic, the black man is even close to winning. I’ll spare you the history lesson (slavery, Jim Crow, civil rights, etc.), because white people will never truly know what any of this feels like, both physically, mentally, and generationally.  So again, I plead with you to STFU, for all of our sakes.

Third, cancel your subscription to the Small Penis Club of America. Return the tanks to the Army and all the other toys you inherited from Uncle Sam. It’s too clear by now that you don’t know how to use them, over use them, and look really douchey when you are using them. The consensus opinion of the Military leaders is that you don’t point a weapon at somebody unless you plan to shoot them. In the aftermath of Ferguson, you were pointing a lot, shooting very little. Remember, with over 300 million guns in this country, if the citizens of Ferguson wanted to engage in a gunfight, they could have, and you waving your guns around like penises in a male strip club put the entire country in the uncomfortable position of watching from afar, like your mom would be in said strip club.  

 Finally, be honest! From the start, be honest. Communicate clearly, honestly, and frequently with the public that not only pays your wages, but entrusts their safety and lives to you. 99% of the people love you, support you, weep for the fallen, and want to believe that you are here to serve and protect, not harass and kill.  But with each partial truth, miscommunication, or blatant lie, that trusts gets chipped away at, and for too many, that triggers painful/historical memories. The lying that occurred in the minutes after Michael Brown was shot spoke more volumes than the truth ever will. The lying that continued in the weeks that followed, the miscommunication, the “leaked” video, the blatant silence, all sent the wrong message and allowed for the “Professional Disruptors” (as Fox News calls them) to descend on Ferguson, Missouri to begin their night of rioting.

When an event occurs that even seems remotely out of touch with common police procedure, appoint a spokesman. Preferably one that can communicate with a calm manner that YOU are on top of the issue, and that as information comes in, the public will be updated daily at noon, even if it’s to say, we have no update today. Invite local advocates/leaders to be a part of the solution.  Don’t lean on them to react to the problem. Be as transparent as you can, and if it seems that the situation feels like it’s about to erupt, ask for help, immediately and if “they” won’t listen (being those above your pay grade), hold a press conference and tell the world, help will be on the way, directly. Follow through until the story concludes, explain the conclusion to the public in a communicative way, not like you are talking to a child or down at them. Take questions, and if there has been an error/mistake, own it, and take responsibility. At the end of the day you will know that you have done everything in your power to serve the public and with the passage of time and a pattern of handling events in a professional, honest manor, these problems (real & perceived) and civil unrest will become a thing of the past.

As to you Officer, when I say F-The Police, the F stands for FORGIVE and America loves to forgive, it’s one of our uniting strengths.  

 

The Force Awakens: Now re-awaken your inner child!

This morning if you thought the internet was running slow or if you were having trouble navigating the World Wide Web in search of flannel thongs with a holiday theme, it was probably due to the fact that Disney released the new movie Trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. It didn’t take long for every website known to man to somehow link it to their content in a vein effort to draw in traffic. Within moments comments began springing up, analysis began, and before lunch, more was known about this 88 second teaser trailer than the JFK assassination…And therein lies the problem, Star Wars fans have grown up, become too cynical, and worst of all, turned into adults.

When the Episode IV came out, I was a wee lad, not even 5 years old. My father came home from a trip and said he was going to take me to see something that would forever change my life. It was one of the few times his words rang true and a love affair was born. I had never seen anything like it or heard anything like it, for that matter. The story was captivating, there were more questions than answers, and sadly, I learned what the word fag meant…What? Yep, while playing catch on my dead end street with two high school boys, I was asked if I liked C-3PO & R2-D2. I responded "Yes" and was immediately called a fag. I then had to learn what a fag was, but I could tell right away that it wasn’t a bundle of sticks. This should have been a sign of things to come, but thankfully that kind of cynicism didn’t show up again for another few decades.

Next came Episode V and before the term mind blown was used for every video on the internet, it actually meant something. My mind was blown. From the fact that my mother had to wait in line for hours to get us tickets, to seeing battles take place in the snow, and the revelation that rocked movie houses around the world....the true identity of Luke’s fathee.  Not to mention there was that little nugget of foreshadowing that somehow Leia knew where Luke was and to come back for him.  Again there was no web, barely cable, and as a child, my mind wasn’t yet operating on an adult level based in conspiracy, scientific fact, and hate (that my life hadn’t turned out as planned).

My childhood concluded with Return of the Jedi and this would be the last time I was going to be allowed to see the movies in a pure form....as a child. It was my final year of elementary school and I was soon going to be exposed to Jr. High, which seemed to highlight/reward kids that were assholes. The story concluded itself and I thought it was amazing. All was well with the universe and if anything, I was sad that it was all over. There would be no more. Sure, there were rumors of other stories but from what I knew, this was it. I was happy and there would never be anything that could remotely live up to these three movies.

With the passage of time, the radical advancement of computers, and the World Wide Web taking form, I was exposed to a move about dinosaurs. From the moment I saw them on screen, my first thought was, they could make more Star Wars movies. The technology displayed in Jurassic Park showed that anything was possible, and sadly that would be proven (Independence Day). All I needed to hear was that the Creator was onboard.  Soon after, word was out, there would be another…Star Wars Trilogy…And the speculation began in full force. Why? Because the kids that loved the originals were now adults.  They had years to dream up what could and should happen, and if their version didn’t play out verbatim, then F**k George & everyone else. I chose a different approach. My line was, it’s his world, if he wants to share it with us, fine.  I was willing to accept anything, and be thankful for it. I knew that this new trilogy wasn’t being made for my generation; it was being made for a new generation. I knew there would be some things I didn’t like, but it wasn’t my place to say and I wasn’t going to call any child a fag because he/she thought that Jar-Jar was funny….

So I endured, biting my lip, keeping to myself, and trying to avoid all arguments with my age group that had grown up to be such miserable assholes. Did I like every frame of it? No. Could I have done it better? NO. My only tweaking would have to do with time, cut 10-15 minutes out of Episode 1, 10 minutes out of Episode 2, and add those 20-30 minutes to Episode 3, so it wouldn’t feel so rushed. Other than that, I was just thankful to George for sharing his love, and by this time, something I could share with my daughter.

Now, all 3 of my kids have seen all 6 movies, we generally agree with the fact that Episode 5 is the best of the 6, but many of you veterans of the Original Trilogy would shit your pants to be told by a room full of 7 year olds that Episode 2 is the best. Refreshing it was to hear the children of today throw in our cynical faces why the NT was better than the old, and the fact that they think Jar-Jar is funny, and in kids speak, we were the fags for not liking him!

This brings us to today and the 88 seconds shown around the world. When it was announced that George wouldn’t make any more movies, many of you cheered (shame on you) and in the same breath booed when it was announced Disney would be taking over (shame on you again). Have you become so cynical to think that Disney would ruin this franchise? Think of their resources, the toy line potential, and most of all, the theme park….I’m sure when that was announced, the engineers just said here you go, now pick (because they have been working on rides for over 40 years in their free time).

This franchise is in solid hands and the writers involved know more about Star Wars than you could ever dream of. So to put it simply, STFU! I’ve read one article today about the new trailer, and it will probably be the last. I imagined some fat-balding asshole in a robe, down in his mother’s basement, writing this article and my first thought was, have you ever seen a naked women? His whole article was a criticism about how the new Lightsaber looked in the trailer and how it could be better engineered. Seriously? F**k Off! That’s what you took from the trailer? A teaser trailer at that? Some things in a teaser trailer never make it into the film, but you are going to latch on to this with all your hate? With all due respect sir, go outside, take a deep breath, then find the nearest bus & step in front of it, because you are clearly not going to be satisfied with the remainder of the film….So here’s some tips to consider, for you “adults” that plan on seeing The Force Awakens, otherwise, STAY AT HOME:

      ·         You are 100% certain the movie has to open with Boba Fett crawling out of the Great Pit of Carkoon or the movie is a failure.

·         You think this movie is made for you and not children.

·         You are still mad at Jar-Jar Binks & worry he’ll be in the movie.

·         Can’t comprehend that Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher have aged.

·         Have created your own history of what happens after Return of The Jedi.

·         Expect it to be more violent than its predecessors.

·         Can’t turn your cell phone off during the movie.

·         Need to discuss it in the lobby before or after.

·         Comment that there is no sound in space.

·         Have never had sex with a woman (or man).

·         Camp outside the theater instead of working.

·         Dress up for the premiere in full costume & bring a Lightsaber to the theater.

·         Compare it to Star Trek

·         Know the technical readouts, weights, and figures of all the ships and their scale relation to other ships in the scene.

·         Most importantly, know so much about the film beforehand that you ruin it for everyone else, by being yourself.

And therein lies the problem, knowledge. We’ve become a culture obsessed with knowing everything about everyone, except for the things that really matter in the world. Too many of you can tell me who so-n-so is dating, but can’t explain why the climate is changing or how much money a trillion dollars is and how we spent it in Iraq. What made the Original Trilogy so special is we didn’t know. We had to wait, there was no web, there was no social media, and we hadn’t reached the age of perfection that we think we live in now. Those movies came out and for some of us represented hope, adventure, and the thought that we could do anything with our lives, just like Luke or Han. Now, we tear them apart before they hit the theater, and that’s not their problem, it’s ours.

So my advice would be that if you grew up loving Star Wars, incorporated it into your life in some way, and have enjoyed sharing it with your children, you stay innocent. Stay away from the websites, the bloggers, and all the leaks. Enjoy the trailers as they come out, but don’t put all your faith in them, and when December 18^th 2015 rolls around, ignore everyone and everything and take it in for what it is. You don’t have to like it, but make that decision after you see it, not before. Whether you like it or not, keep it to yourself, for at least the weekend and keep your comments to yourself. Don’t be that guy, the one who ruins it for everyone else. Don’t destroy the fantasy, the dreams, and the hopes of future fans and filmmakers because you didn’t get “this” in the first 10 minutes or that ship banked to steep & should have broken apart. Finally, for all that is holy & special about this community of films, don’t you dare ruin it for a child. Just because you are an unhappy, miserable, stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerf-herder, doesn’t mean you have the right to do that to a child…Because as you know, your fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering…and you don’t want that on your conscious do you?       

Have a Coke and a smile and Give Thanks...That you are Not Bill Cosby!

As summer gives way to fall there is one thing that is as consistent as gravity, (besides Wal-Mart beginning the start of Christmas season. Ignoring the fact that it may still be warm out, school has just begun, and we haven't even carved the pumpkins yet, but this is Wal-Mart's world and we are just living in it) It's the beginning of the silly season of Holidays that will take us into the following summer. As Americans we will celebrate almost anything, especially if alcohol is available and there is a reason to over eat. We'll put on costumes, sing songs, and even spend an unexplainable amount of time with people we really don't even like, all in the name of the holidays. Which brings us to the official kick off, this Thursday, known here in 'Merica as Thanksgiving. It's not just a day anymore, it begins on Wednesday with travel and concludes on Sunday with more travel. Sprinkled in are events such as shopping, eating, frying, drinking, sports viewing, fighting, f**king, more fighting, puking, leftovers, parades, local news stories of rednecks burning down their houses with a turkey fryer, and a vow to never repeat this horror again (a pre-New Year's resolution). So what are we thankful for? Sadly, a new tradition has emerged and this year, we are thankful that we are not Bill Cosby...

As this week, running up to the big day continues to unfold, 'Merica holds is collective breath as what seems to be a volcanic eruption of women, climbing over each other to appear on television, to claim that Bill Cosby raped them (A horrible crime that should be punished by instant castration, forced eating of the castrated part, then death). Media outlets, while having a collective media boner over the thought of years of programming, trials, speculation, and Lifetime movies, are also worried that an Icon may be heading down the road in which there is no recovery. As of now, there are NO charges filed, he is an innocent man, and if charges are filed, he will have his day in a court of law. However, that isn't important right now, because our unquenchable appetite for celebrity culture overrides logic, compassion, and most importantly the truth.

As 'Merica sends in more troops to Iraq, Obama deals with Immigration, Europeans land a probe on an asteroid, and the state of Missouri braces for a civil rights crisis unmatched in decades, what keeps dominating the news? Celebrity culture & sports. Whether it's bare asses or athletes acting like asses, this is what is fueling Americans on a daily basis. How many motorists were trapped on the highways in Buffalo NY as six feet of snow fell? I bet more than half of them had seen the giant ass of ___ _________, but hadn't bothered to check the weather or turn on the news/radio. By the way, you have more coming, snow that is, not ass....

My question when it comes to Bill Cosby or Tiger Woods (Former Thanksgiving Day Champion) is how many of you know him? Have met him? Spent time with him? I bet the number is very low. As with most public figures, you know of them, but don't know them. So what do you know? He played a character on TV, sold pudding, wore unforgivable sweaters, made some of the damndest faces you'll ever see, pitched Coke, and does clean-stand up comedy...But you don't know him, never have, and never will. Same with all the rest. You know what they let us know through a series of publicists, staged events, and tweets composed by a staff of writers. Rarely do we get to see what's really behind the curtain and we tend to ignore the positive, while we forward the drunken phone calls & nip slips to everyone we know.  Having been up close and personal with famous people, a few things always stand out to me. They are usually shorter in person, very shy, and speak very few words, and rarely look as good in person. They also take shits, eat food, put their own clothing on, and generally don't have a clue what it's like living in the real world, where you currently reside. I'd be willing to make a small wager that the truest celebrity out there is Louis CK, and he even wears make up when doing interviews...

So this Thursday when you undo the button on your adjustable waist khaki's your wife bought you with her Kohl's cash, sit down next to that fat ass racist uncle you secretly hate who smells like cigarettes and Alpo, bow your head while your geriatric deaf Mother-n-Law babbles on about days of yore in which they only had squirrel and turnips to eat, the love the Pilgrims had for the Washington Redskins, and how excited she is for Jesus' birthday in 28 days, as long as cousin Edna doesn't die of a botched bunion removal surgery, say unto thy self, at least I'm not Bill Cosby....Because Bill Cosby is the latest American (who happens to be famous) to be tried in the court of public opinion, without due process, of a charge that if found not guilty or is never charged with, bares a stain that no magic eraser can remove. He will forever be the butt of many jokes, looked upon like the greatest form of scum to walk the earth.  And, if innocent, any benefit that he has offered mankind will be forgotten or tainted. It's a living death sentence with no chance of pardon by the court of public opinion, a reverse Lance Armstrong, if you will. Why does that matter? Why should we care, he's rich anyways, because every day, American's that aren't famous, suffer this fate worse than death and in today's sue now, find the facts out later culture, it could easily be you. In this instant moment of time and history, I'm sure Bill would love to be sitting next to your fat assed racist uncle answering one of life's mysteries, who did put the pudding in the Jell-O pudding pop?  

Dear America, WTF? Seriously?

Since many of our founding fathers didn't believe in God, they aren't looking down on us shaking their heads while throwing their hands up in the air. Instead, they are dead in the ground, and lucky for them. As they rolled out the framework for this experiment in Democracy they had no idea of what was to lie ahead, both in the good (duct tape, rope light, air conditioning) and the bad (the snuggie, jazz music, and After M.A.S.H.). What they did was give us a frame work, safe guards, and guidance as to the future. Jefferson stressed that we should adapt the rules to each generation, and not rest upon the work that they had done alone. As a society, we were to evolve and the cream of the crop was supposed to rise to the top. What happened? We did.

One of the top news stories of the week has been Amanda Bynes sleeping at a shopping mall. Who gives a f**k and who is Amanda Bynes? Does she hold the keys to the launch codes? Is she a descendant of royalty? Is she the only living soul that has the cure to cancer, but has written it down somewhere and can't find it? Or, is she just one of a million people that our culture obsesses over that they don't know, will never know, and wouldn't know what to do if they met them? I can't click on a web page without seeing this nitwit and what she's up to and how her family is reacting. Is this the social issue/cause of the day? Aids is cured? Kids aren't fat anymore? The National Debt is gone?

Where's Ebola? I was promised 10's of thousands of deaths by now and I was counting on that because I figured if you were dumb enough to eat piss and shit off of the ground, then maybe we'd all benefit from your early departure. Instead, as of today, O.J. has a higher kill rate than Ebola. Thanks Media. If this was only the first time you have over sold a story, I'd be pissed, but I knew all along that you were just yanking my mental chain in to thinking that we were going to have a real population killer. Don't forget, we'll lose about 30k this year to the flu alone, but that doesn't have teeth.

Country music, chill-the-f**k-out! Taylor will eventually come back. She made a pop album, she didn't take a dump on the hood of the General Lee & marry a Toyota Truck owner. My god, if pop wants to do country, you guys love it, but if country goes pop, you circle the trailer park & batten down the hatches. This weeks CMA's looked like a desperate cry for attention, like a stripper taking a Masters Course in Physics. People dressed like the cast of Tron, duets with people who had no business being there, singing songs about giant asses instead of Ford Trucks or the fact that your dog just died, again. What happened to staying true to your roots, which were died platinum blond...I want to hear about you kissin your cousin, grandma's moonshine, and that time the squirrel got loose in the church. I don't want to bare witness to bad karaoke, horrible costumes, & awkward smiles.

Then there were the midterm Elections, where America showed how pissed off they were, but at whom? I know Barry took the brunt of it, well deserved, but you kept in Mitch, and he doesn't give a flying f**k about anyone, not even the people of Kentucky or his fellow Muppet's. Pot & Gay marriage are becoming more of the normal, but if you are a woman, let's roll back the clocks to the 50's (and while your at it, bring me a sandwich, honey).  Immigration reform is dead, tax reform is dead, education is dying, the planet is dying, but we've now put a slapdick (Jim Inhofe) in charge of that, who denies climate change exists...Funny, because according to our own military, the #1 threat to the planet is........Climate Change!!! The only solution to anything seems to be cut taxes, build fences, and spread as much fear & hate as possible, so that you can campaign on fear & hate in the next election. I can promise you this, not much is going to change over the next two years & if the R's in charge act like the D's in charge, this will flip again & Hillary will moonwalk into the White House in a navy blue pants suit.

So people are mad as hell, I know I am, but nobody does anything about it. We continue to re-elect the same assholes to power, we don't demand term limits, an end to lobbying/special interest groups, we don't hold our local governments accountable & let them cow tow to the corporations that seem to be pulling the strings. We dismiss science & facts with reckless abandon while accepting lies from corporations that make our food & medicine. We put all of our energy into an online petition to bring back the McRib on an annual basis, yet we won't sign a petition to let someone have the right to die while suffering from a terminal illness. We'll tune in by the millions to watch grown men give each other brain injuries, yet we won't pay enough attention to the news to bring our servicemen & women home from another conflict in the middle east that has NO END...

Our news has become entertainment, while our entertainment has become the news. Instead of the cream of the crop rising to the top, they cash in early on an app that notifies you when a titty has popped out on the red carpet & move to an island somewhere where they can afford to be away from all of this stupidity. Meanwhile, the masses line up out front of Wal-Mart at 4am for the chance to be the one person that can sprint the fastest to the back of the store, without being trampled to death, to claim the only Tickle-Me-Elmo-Platinum Anniversary Edition complete with realistic bowl movements, so they can go home, flip it on EBay, & buy more supplies to make meth....

Is this what our founding fathers are lying in the ground for? I don't think so, we are better than this. We shouldn't be #1 in food eating. We won the cold war, this is our time to shine, not flounder. We need to go to Mars, build flying cars, and further expand our use of rope light! I want Americans to get up & direct that anger at our leaders, not the judges on Dancing with the has-beens, and demand accountability from our elected officials who make 6-figures & only work 1/2 the year! If not, over the next 50 years, Disney is going to have to move Wall-E from the kids section over to the documentary section, and you know how Americans feel about documentaries...   

Dear Ebola, F-Off! Sincerely, The Facts.

My fellow Americans and other citizens of Earth. What is wrong with us? Aside from the fact that we are destroying the planet and letting chemical companies make our food. Why do we fall for these shenanigans on a seemingly annual basis? When will we learn? Finally, how is the media allowed to get away with this sort of thing time and time again with no consequences? The short answer is, because we are stupid and deserve it, the long answer is, it makes money and who doesn't love money?

I'm closing in on 42 years old. I remember as a child being told that killer bees were coming from Mexico and that we were all in danger. Still waiting. Now I worry that there are not enough bees, to pollinate the things we eat and we are going to face global food shortages in the not so distant future...Then Jaws came out and I spent the next 20 years terrified of any body of water that didn't have a slide attached to it. Sadly AIDS came next and it was an actual problem that our government chose to ignore for 7 years hoping it would wipe the gays out. When regular, good old fashioned 'Mericans got it, then by god, steps were taken! It's still around, but actual facts and education helped lead to minimizing it's deadly affects.

I think the next big scare that we were all going to die from was Y2K. I remember having to go through a check list at work and scenarios for how I was going to get my garage door to open on January 1st. People were acting like fools because some nerds forgot to make the computer code 4 digits instead of two and at the stroke of midnight we were all going to be instantly teleported back to the middle ages. If it wasn't for the fact that people were really worried about losing their illegally downloaded music from Napster and porn, this would have never been that big of a story.

Other killers have threatened the shores of America, SARS, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, Bieber Fever, and yet none of them have taken us out like the media insists is the case? Why? Because thankfully the scientist and some of the people in charge don't subscribe to the hysteria and bullshit spewing out of the mouths of the entertainers we chose to get our news from. They rely on facts, data, intelligence, and other fancy words that have slipped from the vocabulary of most adults.

Ebola is real, it can be scary, and the global response to it in Africa was pathetic. However, as bad as Obama is at everything (according to the news) it wasn't going to happen here. One guy came over here, to Texas and they screwed it up and he died. Sad. Sad because he died and sad because the way these morons down in Texas handled it and then unleashed a media frenzy, that for 2 weeks everyone bought into hook, line, and sinker. Ebola is really difficult to contract, in fact, if you aren't in the medical profession, working with these type of issues, you might want to adjust your social calender, because you shouldn't be anywhere near it. If you are accidentally exposed, do the right thing and seek help immediately, and be honest! You can survive, as long as you aren't being a selfish ass.

Now, back to growing up here in America. We had 3 channels. The news was on everyday and most of the time it was painfully boring to watch. Nobody was excited to come home from work to watch the news. They did it as an obligation to furthering their own education. Their weren't viewing parties or people live tweeting from the streets. Then came CNN & 24 hour news, which was cool at the time, but like most things, it started to get boring on a daily basis. People needed their fix, whether it was OJ, Clinton, random bank robbery, or a celebrity nip slip at (name your event). This type of shit sells, and once it started selling, news began selling it. Play with the facts? Sure, we're not exactly lying. Stalk people at their homes, follow them all over town, why not, even if it kills them! Report stories without fact checking, sure, we can always apologize later or not... Sadly, it worked, and the more salacious the scenario, the more the viewer was hooked, which generated more money for the "News" corporations.

It has now reached a point on American television that the line between news and entertainment doesn't exist. Facts are often optional. Opinions are presented as facts. TV shows are disappearing & "reality" TV is taking it's place. It's cheaper, the rules are looser, and we eat it up whether it is true or not. It's led us into everything to war and to making a multimillionaire out of a girl that was pissed on in a sex tape & now dominates E!'s television line up with her entire annoying family.

Talk about Ebola being infectious, the way corporations package our news is an outbreak of the worst kind. It has tainted our political scene, ruined the careers of everyday citizens to well respected public officials, led to people killing themselves or others. It's escalated hate towards our fellow man to an all time high. Want proof?  Watch Twitter the next time somebody misses a field goal-on any level of football. These same corporations that are shaping our news are also shaping the rules in which we live by and protecting their colleagues in other fields. Everything from who makes our food  to who is making our next generation of weapons and what they going to be used for and on whom.

In conclusion, with all this wolf crying, just to garner ratings and make money, real things like climate change is being ignored or cheapened. It's too slow and not as sexy as zombies or whether or not (insert name here) has got new titties or secretly been married off of the island of who gives a shit. The "news" will continue to protect it's buddies, like, coal and oil (there's no such F-ing thing as "clean coal" just saying it makes you sound stupid). Sunlight, on the other hand is free and happens daily, so F**k that noise. We will continue to be packaged the news we need to know, according to them and their market research departments....instead of the news we should be getting in order to more perfect this union and be better stewards of this planet. However, in a few months, the threat of Donkey-Balls-atosis will be invading the shores of this great land and everyone will race to Wal-Mart for duct tape, the I-phone 7, People Magazine, pop tarts, and a home enema kit...

 

Color is for televison and Race is something runners do.

It's been said that America doesn't make anything anymore. That we are a nation of consumers. Some say as high as 80% of jobs are service based. Well, there's one thing that we are still producing and producing well. Racism (and the dirty little secret is, we'll never stop). We are not born racist. In fact, we are taught racism, sadly, at an early age. Depending on where you live in this country, it's easy to learn and hard to overcome, if at all. So what can we do? It will never truly go away and reducing it seems even harder because we can't discuss it. As soon as you bring it up, or make a statement that is unpopular, you are labeled a racist. Until we can have open, dyadic, and even painful communication on this issue, it will continue to fester and rear it's ugly head from time to time. 

As a child, two of my early friends were named Raymond and Eric. We did everything together. At times it seemed like we were inseparable. It wasn't until I was exposed to other friends and family that I learned that they were somehow different. One was black and the other was Hispanic. The questions weren't always with ill intent, but could be as simple as referring to them as your black friend or your Mexican friend (even though he was born in America). It wasn't just my two friends that became the subject of color, it was my music choices or the sports teams I watched. I would hear things like, he's a pretty good basketball player for being colored or that Michael Jackson is talented for a black man. As a child, sometimes that went over my head, other times it didn't and as I got older I was exposed to the fact that racism was a part of who we are as a nation and that it was never going away...

The eyes of the Nation are upon Ferguson Missouri this week. The facts of the case are still not clear. All we know is a white cop shot a black man. Without any other further information, that alone is a dangerous spark, that could light an even bigger fire. Throw in the demographics of the area, the make up of the police force, and before the ambulance could arrive on scene, you knew there was going to be trouble. We are now entering our second week of this sad scene playing out and instead of learning from it, we are creating more racists & mistrust on both sides of the issue, mainly because there has been a lack of communication and leadership. Sadly, these types events aren't new and are typically handled poorly, like in Ferguson. Once the spark is lit, everybody raises their fear levels, abandons logic and thinking, and the "leaders" tend to lead from behind, instead of taking charge. With each passing hour the facts of the case become less and less important because new issues are spawning off left and right. By the time the situation is resolved, the key players are often forgotten, resolution is foggy at best, and growth from the situation is limited or non existent. All we have done is lower the bar for the next event.

What if we could remove that level of fear and hate? What if we could have factual reporting, instead of the commentary we have now, disguised as news?  Leaders that weren't afraid to fail, because they were more concerned with leading? If the people involved were honest from the outset and the facts were made public so that the people of the area could feel a since of resolution? What if there was no color involved in the principle players?  It sounds crazy, but it's not impossible.

Our melting pot of a nation will help with this over the next couple of decades as the white race becomes the minority in the country (I suspect we'll see a spike in racism before that happens) around 2043. With color being less of an issue, education will be the next deciding factor in the effort to minimise racism. The more we can weed this logic out of the minds of our citizenship, the sooner we can act as human beings toward one another. For this to be successful, we will need to communicate clearly, loudly, and even alone when others will not join in. It may be painful, scary, and fall upon deaf ears, but the message has to be held strong and weakness in it's delivery can not be an option. Next, we need to take the news reporting away from the entertainment industry. News needs to be factual, truthful, and brutally honest. Too many channels, on both sides, blend their news with opinion, and for the less educated and lazy, this is a deadly combination. When a situation does arise, whomever is in charge needs to stand tall and lead. This is what you are paid to do and if you don't feel like you are up to it, turn it over to someone who can ASAP. A strong leader can help calm the public, preserve the integrity of the issue at hand, and overcome all obstacles in front of them. Even if the situation is clear at first or unbearable to process amongst the public, it's the person in charge that has the ability and obligation to take us through until the situation is resolved.

As individuals it's time for us to stop being scared and start being honest. Ask questions, interact with people we don't know or are taught to be afraid of. Ask questions, even if they seem stupid or wrong because this will present an opportunity for education. Never end ones personal education through ones life because we don't have all the answers. Ask for forgiveness when wrong and listen to/thank those who take the time to point it out to us. Seek out knowledge on your own, don't wait for it to be packaged and delivered to you via one news source. Be prepared to walk away from those who are truly ignorant and refuse to evolve. Racism will never die, but we have the opportunity to reduce it to a small percentage of the population that will not be able to affect the greater good of humanity.  We owe that to ourselves, our children, our planet, and to all of those who came before us that were not afraid to be heard or even die so that a more perfect union could be formed.

Society needs Golf: It's not just for rich, white assholes.

Recently I watched an episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel and one of the stories was the rapid decline of golf. A golf course is closing about every other day and recently, big box store Dick's fired somewhere between 500-700 golf pro's nationwide due to declining sales. Now I'm sure 90% of you just said I don't give a f**k & it couldn't happen to a nicer group of rich assholes. That is the predominant stereotype and in many cases it's true, but allow me to explain why golf is beyond that and what it's decline says about us as a society.

First of all, golf is really hard. The old joke is why did they name it golf? Because F**k was already taken...It's something you never master and have to practice daily if you want to be in the upper 1%. In fact, if you can break 100 in a round of 18 holes, you are automatically in the the upper 10% of players. It's nice to have a challenge that isn't solved by swiping your thumbs or googling the answer. Not only is golf physically demanding (more on that later) but it's mentally taxing as well. Hogan once said that he hit two good shots per round and the rest he managed (He won 9 majors).  As we continue to make life easier and easier, whether it's via an app or a service provider, golf will supply us with all the challenges we need in a social/athletic setting. This will sharpen the mind for when challenges arise in more critical situations.

Second, it's a fantastic form of exercise. It's not all riding in a cart and drinking to excess. Even if you do, you still are walking a couple of miles per round. Ball striking takes energy and if you warm up before, you'll hit more balls than you will on the course. Anyone that tells you a round of golf is a: easy and b: not exercise has never played it and is full of shit. Add in the weather elements and a round of golf can be very taxing, yet a much needed physical demand on the body. Had a bad day at work? Want to kill your spouse? Just got cut off on the freeway? Hit a bucket of balls before you act, then, if you have the energy, go for it. If you think we don't need that, spend 15 minutes in a Wal-Mart and check out all the fat asses in motorized scooters buying cheese balls by the pound.

Golf is the only honest sport in all of sports. There is no cheating in golf and it's the only sport in which you call a penalty on yourself. All of the other sports teach you to cheat in one form or another, at minimum, bend the rules to your advantage. Not in golf. When executed properly, golf builds within us a set of values and morals that transcend the sport and instantly fit into our daily lives. If you play with someone who cheats, they are not vested in the sport of golf and should be immediately killed and buried on the course, as notice to all.

Tying in to the theme of honesty and integrity is the educational aspect of golf. Not only does it require physical skill, but intellectual as well. Many problem solving skills are required to navigate the course, whether it be the terrain, wind, elements, or other surroundings. You must be able to harness your math skills to determine the proper club to use, wind factor, or what the terrain's affect will have on your shot. The hardest part of golf is to solve all of these equations in a matter of seconds, then allow them to recess into the back of your mind and execute the shot required. It's a perfect balance of Einstein and Happy Gilmore that will produce the results desired during a round. Most of the time you will not execute the shot to perfection, it's how you respond mentally that will determine the next physical outcome.

Socially golf adapts to many aspects of life. You can play it alone and challenge yourself and the course. You can play with a group or on a team. Golf, via a handicap system, allows all skill levels to play together and compete across age, gender, and level of play. If you don't like playing stroke play, there are many forms of golf, such as team scrambles, that allow you all the benefits of golf, without the burden of the outcome resting solely on your shoulders. You don't even have to keep score, play a full round, or join a club. You can practice at home, in a hallway, or at a local driving range. The time, options, and outcomes are limitless, allowing you to be in full control.

Golf can be expensive, if you let it. You don't need state of the art equipment in the beginning and used sets are found almost everywhere. Public courses and driving ranges offer inexpensive alternative to high end clubs. Team scrambles and charity events allow a golfer to experience many of the nicer courses in the area at a fraction of the cost (plus, you can write it off your taxes). Spending a couple of hours at a driving range is less expensive than going to a movie and allows you the opportunity to better yourself mentally and physically. It's up to you if you want to dress in plaids and flamboyant pants, that is not required, but part of the fun! That being said, wearing a wife beater & daisy dukes is a sign that you don't get a lot of things in life, golf just being one of them.

So what's the point? Open your mind. Here's an opportunity to better yourself physically and mentally. To experience an activity that doesn't require you to be 7' tall or run a 4.4-40...To compete on a level that you feel comfortable with or not at all...To meet new people, benefit a cause, or just kill some time, instead of somebody...To expose your children to a game that will benefit them in real life, not just on a diamond or field...To experience something that doesn't take place on a tablet or screen. Society as a whole would benefit if it took the core principles of golf to heart, instead of it's current stay of me first, win at all cost attitude. Most of all, there is the euphoria you will experience when that one shot goes in or works out they way you drew it up in your mind. There's not a drug around that can replicate that feeling and it may only happen once, or never at all, but the fact that it is out there, makes the chase worth the while...

Don't be afraid to shoot first!

What kind of guy doesn't want to be Han Solo at some point in their life? A nice guy, that's who. Let's face it, we all like Han because he marched to his own beat, did what served him best, and let's face it, he's an Asshole*... Why the astrix? Because he was also lovable (he did help blow up the Death Star). Solo figured it out from the beginning and I wish I had too. Instead, I tried being the nice guy and all that got me was hurt. The energy wasted on trying to please others could have been better spent on building myself up, securing my own confidence, and establishing who and what I wanted to be, regardless of what others thought.

During the painful years of social hell (puberty, dating, high school), did it ever dawn on you that all the girls you liked were always with the guys (assholes) you didn't? How many mix tapes did you make in a vein effort to capture the heart of a young woman, only to be laughed at and told that you reminded her of her brother (worst thing a female can say to a male EVER)? How many weekends did you waste pining over a girl who was out on a date with some slap dick that wouldn't even open the car door for her? If you could go back in time, you'd smack the shit out of yourself, and say wake up, ASSHOLE!

Once I made it to College, a conscious effort was made to change who I was and where I was going. This was cemented by "Dr." Dennis Leary and his comedy special "No Cure for Cancer." Aside from laughing myself sick & witnessing one friend piss his pants/walk into a wall, there was a message reaching my inner soul. I was done being the door mat, the world was going to start revolving around me for awhile. No more mix tapes, it was time to start taking names (I fell off the wagon a few times, but I'm not claiming to walk on water)...

Where does the lovable part fit in? Well, you can't be an asshole all of the time or you'll end up in Washington DC. It's not healthy, but 80/20 is a good mix. There are some guidelines you need to adhere to. For example, when dealing with coworkers, spouse, children, and anyone preparing your food. You have to be careful with the 20% because that's when your guard is down and your raw emotions are exposed. Use the 80% to fend off the wanna-be's, posers, gold diggers, and other assholes you encounter. Think of it as a force field. Plus, there are many benefits from being an asshole with very few side effects.

The number one benefit is you can be honest! Why wait until you are 80?. No smoke and mirrors here! People don't ask you for much because they know the answer that is coming (NO). You won't be loaning your truck out every weekend, being forced to attend social events you don't want to (weddings, showers, time share seminars), buying endless quantities of food from fundraisers (from coworkers you can't stand), and being asked to play on co-ed softball teams (worst idea ever). People that don't know you well will fear you, clear the isle in Wal-Mart, and when you do speak, they tend to listen a little closer. Most of all, when you do want to help/volunteer, it's unexpected, truly appreciated, and if you perform well, the benefits in return are limitless...

Negative side effects come from abusing the 80%. The earlier you start, the better, because there will be some trial and error here. If  you find yourself alone at times, you may have gone to far. That makes it easy to fall off of the grid which can lead to living in your parents basement, having too many cats, and being unwantedly single in your thirties. If you are not careful, you can accidentally alienate people you do care about and that leads straight to acting in porn.  

So embrace your inner asshole, perfect it, shape it, and share it with the world! It will serve you well. The freedom is something like you have never felt before and will allow you to focus on what matters (family, friends, and possibly work). Plus, it will keep you from being distracted by things you have no control of (annoying coworkers, extended family, sales people). You will eliminate many of the mouth breathers you come in to contact with on a daily basis! Which will free up even more time and who couldn't benefit from that?  The freedom, power, time, and the ability to think with clarity will not only enhance your life, it may save it!

Remember...HAN SHOT FIRST!

American Pie. I mean Idiot.

Apologizing seems to be the new way to overhaul your career. Whether it's intentional or not, we are living in a culture that as soon as you say something or do something that other people don't like, immediately apologize. This needs to STOP. As calculated as some of these events are (sex tapes being accidentally released), the apologies are even more offensive. Why? Because they don't mean it. It's become just another way to get your name out there, advertise, and market oneself.

Jason Matthew Biggs tweeted a joke Thursday about Malaysia Airlines flight MH17. An instant firestorm erupted and initially Mr. Biggs attacked his critics back. As the events continued to unfold and the story became an Internet event, Jason eventually released a half-ass apology. The apology wasn't for the fact that the joke wasn't funny, it was more in effort to control the damage he was doing to his career and money making machine.

One of two things should have happened that day as far as Mr. Biggs is concerned. One, he shouldn't have made the tweet as the events of the day were unfolding. Maybe wait until the picture was a little more clear and more facts were known. Then, if he still felt the need, craft a joke that was funny. The point of making jokes is to make people laugh. If the joke isn't funny, then it's not a joke, just a comment...Second, once the joke was released to the world, own it. Stand by it. You created it, took the time to manufacture it, now nurture it and watch it grow. Maybe instead of attacking the critics, go silent for a while, let things blow over? Or, mount an offensive, defending your art, and by no means apologize. Instead you made it worse, first by attacking those on the web, then not fully apologizing.

This to me is the core problem. It's like fucking your pie and eating it too. You can't do both. I firmly believe that there is humor in EVERYTHING. However, I also believe that there is a time and place, and maybe that afternoon wasn't the best time. Did the joke offend me? No, I thought it was terrible. What you did after offended me because you weren't sorry, but you weren't man enough to stand up for your own principles. You said it, now live with it.

Whether it's a Kardashian, Hilton, Gibson, Dean, Edwards, Lohan, Baldwin, Richards, and now Biggs, the apology isn't sincere. It's damage control because it's affecting your earnings potential and that's what you are sorry about.  The art of atonement has not only infected celebrity culture, but all aspects of of life...from sports to politics, work, school, church, and anywhere there is interaction between more than two people. Instead of saying what you feel, believe, and being honest with one another, everything has to be crafted so that no one entity is offended. We spend more time and energy trying not to offend, rather then saying what we need to say and standing by it. It's OK to have a difference of opinion. The fact that we can communicate dyadically will tend to lead to more solutions overall, versus one sided arguments and silence.  Instead of nurturing our own beliefs and principles we waste that energy on preparing our apology in case any ones feelings are going to be potentially hurt. Mr. Biggs and all fellow human beings... say what you mean and mean what you say. The world will be an overall better place for it, honestly!

Organized Religion is Killing Us. Imagine That...

The terrorism that plagues the Western World of today is nothing new (all sides have blood on their hands). It's been going on for thousands of years in one form or another and it will probably never end. Anyone claiming there is a way to end it is lying/campaigning and is in stark contrast to the definition of the word. We can take measures to minimize it's affects, limit it's reach, and educate future generations to put down their arms and strive for a more balanced world...I'm often asked, why don't you believe in God? Why don't you go to church? How come you don't take the Bible as the literal word of God? How come you feel that Organized Religion is a bad thing?

I've never said that I don't believe in God. In fact, I have faith that there is a God or at least enjoy the notion of one. I save beliefs for things that can be proven, like 2+2=4. To say that you can prove there is a god or not is foolish and irresponsible. To say that your God is better than any other God is arrogant at best, and is part of the problem of today's world. If you look back at early man, there are origin stories, miracle births, etc. that predate "The Big 3". Some of these stories were possibly created to explain things early man didn't understand. Until we can time travel or God shows up, we'll never truly know, that's why I don't believe, I instead, have faith. It's hard to change a belief, faith allows for options.

As far as going to Church, don't need to. If I want to have a relationship with God, I can contact him/her directly. No middle man. I don't need to support multi-million dollar corporations that pay no taxes and waste a great deal of their collections on maintaining property, possessions, and the machine that is Organized Religion. Early Christians met in homes with friends and family. They didn't need a superstructure with an indoor basketball court, rock band, and countless works of art worth tens of millions of dollars. If there is a God, he/she is always there, always listening, and whether or not he/she answers your call depends on what you are asking for and your perception of his/her role in your life.

Whether you are a Christian or not, there are some good life lessons in the Bible and Koran. Following Jesus's teachings is not a bad way to live. As to the Bible, it's not the true word of God. It's a compilation of stories, put together at the Council of Nicaea, in order to shape the direction of a young and budding Christianity. Many books were left out/ordered to be destroyed, stories changed/altered for political reasons, and the true word of God was being altered to fit a narrative. Hell, even Thomas Jefferson was so fed up with the fluff in the Bible that he created his own! Also, I believe in science. In doing so, I can't accept certain aspects of the stories told in the Bible. I understand their point, but they are not factual. Plus I have a problem with their views on women, slavery, free will (?), etc.  

Why do I feel that organized Religion is a bad thing? Because it's in stark contrast to those bracelets that are popular, you know, "What Would Jesus Do"? Sure, Churches help some in need and many try and do good things for their communities. However, with the hundreds of billions of dollars possessed by organized religious institutions (and land) why are there still homeless people, famine, genocide, poverty, unsanitary drinking water, pollution, war, and on and on... Why do you have to believe a specific way in order to receive aide (if we are all God's children). Because it's become a business, bogged down in bureaucracy, and it costs money to run/maintain a business, which means less money to help those in need. 

Jesus would probably shake his head and weep for humanity if he showed up today. He would scratch his head and ask what we're thinking as people (and why is my Birthday in December & who is this Santa guy)? Why do we treat each other the way we do? Who's name is this in? Why do all 3 major religions derive from the same God, yet have spent millennia killing each other? When did Churches become businesses, political machines, land owners, and tax free entities with little to no checks and balances? Why is there a 3 strike policy for Priests when it comes to raping children? Where is the compassion for all of humanity, not just a chosen few? Why have my words/teachings been manipulated for political agenda and hate. This isn't what I died on the Cross for, this isn't the message of my father or other prophets, and this is not what I came here to do. Want to minimize terrorism? End organized Religion and "Imagine" speaking to me directly, "it's easy if you try"!

Bend Over, I'll Drive! The Art of Buying a Car.

Car shopping is one of the few experiences that should be a joyous one (furniture shopping being another), but usually ends in high blood pressure, constipation, and that inner feeling that a murder is about to take place...Why? It's your money, you are the one out shopping for a vehicle. You are the customer, isn't the customer always right? This doesn't happen at Wal-Mart, Best Buy, or Toys R Us... So what gives? The answer? Their sole purpose is to F**k you out of as much money as they possible can & they don't give two shits about how you feel when you leave (they won't see you again for a couple years). They know that there is another customer around the corner just waiting to bend over in your place (this is why I left the business). So what can you do to end up being the elephant and not the poor Rhino? TOTAL WAR (not smart bombs & Seals, think B-52's and Germany).

First, do your research. There is a tool out there called the world wide web and it serves another purpose other than pornography. Most dealerships now have websites and you can put them at war against each other, along with finding out what everyone else is paying for the same vehicle nation wide. If you can't navigate the web, bring lube, lots of it.

Second, be prepared to walk out. Time is on the dealers side. They will go through a song & dance to wear you down. The purpose is that you'll give up, sign, and move on. If you have a trade, know everything about it. They will break your trade-in down into a billion pieces (what's wrong with it), basically making them the hero for taking it off your poor-stupid hands (it's always better to sell it on your own).

Third, if you are woman, no matter how successful you are, strong, etc. They will find a way to screw you over. I know it's 2014, but this is one thing that hasn't changed (just be thankful they don't ask you to make them a sandwich & bring them their slippers). Bring a man, even if it's a serial killer. Sure you may be murdered later on the drive home, but you got a lower price and better rate. Older men are even better, it's clear by how they dress they don't give a f**k, and that's the attitude you need when buying a car.

Fourth, don't buy more than TWO cars from a friend/same salesman. They'll give you the best deal on the first one, an OK deal on the second one, then they will break it off in your ass on cars 3-infinity. Why? Because you trust them & think they would never screw me over, we're friends, they even send me a birthday card... BULLSHIT...This is car shopping, there is no such thing as friendship (the store database alerts them to your birthday and tells them to send you a card).

Fifth, new vehicles tend to have lower markup than used vehicles. Dealerships make large profits off of their used inventory and very little off of new (Service is the real gold mine). Salesman usually make a flat fee off of a new car (because the dealer has to compete harder with other dealerships). Sometimes as low as $50/$100 per unit, where as used can generate them a commission anywhere from $300-$1500+. Ever wonder why you come in to look at a new car and they want to show you a used one? Be focused on what you need/looking for when you enter. Otherwise you will go in to buy a new van and drive home in a two-seat convertible.

Sixth, have your A-game ready for finance. Know the rates, know your credit. This is the ultimate game of liars poker and you are going to lose. How much is up to you. Everything is negotiable in this room. The rate, extended warranties, terms, payment date, all of it. Their job is to give you a higher rate, one you feel OK with, then they buy the rate lower from the bank and make extra money, even if it's a 1/2%, that adds up over hundreds of car deals. Extended warranties are sometimes a good value, but they have a high margin of mark up too (also, if you sell the car before that warranty is up, you can get a refund on the difference).

Finally, remember, it's your money, your time, your life. They don't care about you, they hate your kids (bring them and load them up on sugar), talk about banging your wife when your back is turned, high five when you leave because of the pounding you just took (including all the service visits where they send out a cute girl or old man with a laundry list of bullshit you (don't) need done to your car), knowing that you will be back before the vehicle is paid off, ready for a new one and they can pound some more...Your job is to burn bridges, come in with guns blazing, scorch the earth that the dealership is built on, and when you leave, the last thing you should hear from the General Manager is..."I don't ever want to see that MOTHER-F**KER on my lot again"! Then you know you have received a good deal on your car purchase!