As summer gives way to fall there is one thing that is as consistent as gravity, (besides Wal-Mart beginning the start of Christmas season. Ignoring the fact that it may still be warm out, school has just begun, and we haven't even carved the pumpkins yet, but this is Wal-Mart's world and we are just living in it) It's the beginning of the silly season of Holidays that will take us into the following summer. As Americans we will celebrate almost anything, especially if alcohol is available and there is a reason to over eat. We'll put on costumes, sing songs, and even spend an unexplainable amount of time with people we really don't even like, all in the name of the holidays. Which brings us to the official kick off, this Thursday, known here in 'Merica as Thanksgiving. It's not just a day anymore, it begins on Wednesday with travel and concludes on Sunday with more travel. Sprinkled in are events such as shopping, eating, frying, drinking, sports viewing, fighting, f**king, more fighting, puking, leftovers, parades, local news stories of rednecks burning down their houses with a turkey fryer, and a vow to never repeat this horror again (a pre-New Year's resolution). So what are we thankful for? Sadly, a new tradition has emerged and this year, we are thankful that we are not Bill Cosby...
As this week, running up to the big day continues to unfold, 'Merica holds is collective breath as what seems to be a volcanic eruption of women, climbing over each other to appear on television, to claim that Bill Cosby raped them (A horrible crime that should be punished by instant castration, forced eating of the castrated part, then death). Media outlets, while having a collective media boner over the thought of years of programming, trials, speculation, and Lifetime movies, are also worried that an Icon may be heading down the road in which there is no recovery. As of now, there are NO charges filed, he is an innocent man, and if charges are filed, he will have his day in a court of law. However, that isn't important right now, because our unquenchable appetite for celebrity culture overrides logic, compassion, and most importantly the truth.
As 'Merica sends in more troops to Iraq, Obama deals with Immigration, Europeans land a probe on an asteroid, and the state of Missouri braces for a civil rights crisis unmatched in decades, what keeps dominating the news? Celebrity culture & sports. Whether it's bare asses or athletes acting like asses, this is what is fueling Americans on a daily basis. How many motorists were trapped on the highways in Buffalo NY as six feet of snow fell? I bet more than half of them had seen the giant ass of ___ _________, but hadn't bothered to check the weather or turn on the news/radio. By the way, you have more coming, snow that is, not ass....
My question when it comes to Bill Cosby or Tiger Woods (Former Thanksgiving Day Champion) is how many of you know him? Have met him? Spent time with him? I bet the number is very low. As with most public figures, you know of them, but don't know them. So what do you know? He played a character on TV, sold pudding, wore unforgivable sweaters, made some of the damndest faces you'll ever see, pitched Coke, and does clean-stand up comedy...But you don't know him, never have, and never will. Same with all the rest. You know what they let us know through a series of publicists, staged events, and tweets composed by a staff of writers. Rarely do we get to see what's really behind the curtain and we tend to ignore the positive, while we forward the drunken phone calls & nip slips to everyone we know. Having been up close and personal with famous people, a few things always stand out to me. They are usually shorter in person, very shy, and speak very few words, and rarely look as good in person. They also take shits, eat food, put their own clothing on, and generally don't have a clue what it's like living in the real world, where you currently reside. I'd be willing to make a small wager that the truest celebrity out there is Louis CK, and he even wears make up when doing interviews...
So this Thursday when you undo the button on your adjustable waist khaki's your wife bought you with her Kohl's cash, sit down next to that fat ass racist uncle you secretly hate who smells like cigarettes and Alpo, bow your head while your geriatric deaf Mother-n-Law babbles on about days of yore in which they only had squirrel and turnips to eat, the love the Pilgrims had for the Washington Redskins, and how excited she is for Jesus' birthday in 28 days, as long as cousin Edna doesn't die of a botched bunion removal surgery, say unto thy self, at least I'm not Bill Cosby....Because Bill Cosby is the latest American (who happens to be famous) to be tried in the court of public opinion, without due process, of a charge that if found not guilty or is never charged with, bares a stain that no magic eraser can remove. He will forever be the butt of many jokes, looked upon like the greatest form of scum to walk the earth. And, if innocent, any benefit that he has offered mankind will be forgotten or tainted. It's a living death sentence with no chance of pardon by the court of public opinion, a reverse Lance Armstrong, if you will. Why does that matter? Why should we care, he's rich anyways, because every day, American's that aren't famous, suffer this fate worse than death and in today's sue now, find the facts out later culture, it could easily be you. In this instant moment of time and history, I'm sure Bill would love to be sitting next to your fat assed racist uncle answering one of life's mysteries, who did put the pudding in the Jell-O pudding pop?
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