What kind of guy doesn't want to be Han Solo at some point in their life? A nice guy, that's who. Let's face it, we all like Han because he marched to his own beat, did what served him best, and let's face it, he's an Asshole*... Why the astrix? Because he was also lovable (he did help blow up the Death Star). Solo figured it out from the beginning and I wish I had too. Instead, I tried being the nice guy and all that got me was hurt. The energy wasted on trying to please others could have been better spent on building myself up, securing my own confidence, and establishing who and what I wanted to be, regardless of what others thought.
During the painful years of social hell (puberty, dating, high school), did it ever dawn on you that all the girls you liked were always with the guys (assholes) you didn't? How many mix tapes did you make in a vein effort to capture the heart of a young woman, only to be laughed at and told that you reminded her of her brother (worst thing a female can say to a male EVER)? How many weekends did you waste pining over a girl who was out on a date with some slap dick that wouldn't even open the car door for her? If you could go back in time, you'd smack the shit out of yourself, and say wake up, ASSHOLE!
Once I made it to College, a conscious effort was made to change who I was and where I was going. This was cemented by "Dr." Dennis Leary and his comedy special "No Cure for Cancer." Aside from laughing myself sick & witnessing one friend piss his pants/walk into a wall, there was a message reaching my inner soul. I was done being the door mat, the world was going to start revolving around me for awhile. No more mix tapes, it was time to start taking names (I fell off the wagon a few times, but I'm not claiming to walk on water)...
Where does the lovable part fit in? Well, you can't be an asshole all of the time or you'll end up in Washington DC. It's not healthy, but 80/20 is a good mix. There are some guidelines you need to adhere to. For example, when dealing with coworkers, spouse, children, and anyone preparing your food. You have to be careful with the 20% because that's when your guard is down and your raw emotions are exposed. Use the 80% to fend off the wanna-be's, posers, gold diggers, and other assholes you encounter. Think of it as a force field. Plus, there are many benefits from being an asshole with very few side effects.
The number one benefit is you can be honest! Why wait until you are 80?. No smoke and mirrors here! People don't ask you for much because they know the answer that is coming (NO). You won't be loaning your truck out every weekend, being forced to attend social events you don't want to (weddings, showers, time share seminars), buying endless quantities of food from fundraisers (from coworkers you can't stand), and being asked to play on co-ed softball teams (worst idea ever). People that don't know you well will fear you, clear the isle in Wal-Mart, and when you do speak, they tend to listen a little closer. Most of all, when you do want to help/volunteer, it's unexpected, truly appreciated, and if you perform well, the benefits in return are limitless...
Negative side effects come from abusing the 80%. The earlier you start, the better, because there will be some trial and error here. If you find yourself alone at times, you may have gone to far. That makes it easy to fall off of the grid which can lead to living in your parents basement, having too many cats, and being unwantedly single in your thirties. If you are not careful, you can accidentally alienate people you do care about and that leads straight to acting in porn.
So embrace your inner asshole, perfect it, shape it, and share it with the world! It will serve you well. The freedom is something like you have never felt before and will allow you to focus on what matters (family, friends, and possibly work). Plus, it will keep you from being distracted by things you have no control of (annoying coworkers, extended family, sales people). You will eliminate many of the mouth breathers you come in to contact with on a daily basis! Which will free up even more time and who couldn't benefit from that? The freedom, power, time, and the ability to think with clarity will not only enhance your life, it may save it!
Remember...HAN SHOT FIRST!
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