Summer Time Ignorance: As American as Apple Pie

For many of us school will be out this week, which will kick off summer! The kids will take a few months off from school, forgetting most of what they have learned, so that when they go back, the underpaid/under appreciated teachers will have to spend the first two weeks bringing them back up to speed (putting us even further down in the rankings of education around the world)...That really doesn't matter, because as Americans, we have more important things to do than learn, it's time to grill, swim, travel, and eat as many different fried foods as we can during this short window of ever increasing warm weather...

However, there are two things associated with summer that really frost my ass: Visors & Sunburns.

Unless you are a female (preferably a tennis player of Eastern European Decent), wearing a visor makes you look like the newly elected "King of all Douche Bags!" Either wear a hat or don't. Spare me the lecture that visors are cooler than hats, with 21st century technology, hats can be cool too (without the stigma attached), while protecting the top of your head. Wearing a visor sends out a message that you think you are smarter than most when it comes to head gear (while burning the top of your head), but not smart enough to be taken seriously while playing sports....As to bald men wearing visors? WTF? You need to be studied asap, so they can find a cure for this level of stupidity. Thankfully Americans rejected the vucket (a bucket hat type of visor) or we might as well surrender to the Chinese.

As to sunburns, this is American ignorance at it's finest. I'm not talking about an accidental burn or you fell a sleep in the hammock, I'm talking to ignorant white people that should, by now, know better. A sunburn isn't a badge of honor, it doesn't memorialize your float trip, or show your ex that you can party without him/her. This says that you reject science, LOVE the idea of getting cancer and leaving your family for an early grave. You should just stand on the mountain top and scream to the world, "look at me, I'm one of the dumbest motherf**kers to have ever walked the earth and I'm damn proud of it!"

So when you hop in your over sized truck (complete with naked lady mud flaps and truck nuts) heading to the fried goat ball extravaganza on the banks of dumb f**k river, remember to wear a hat and put on sunscreen. I know this is asking a lot, but you may even have to reapply the sunscreen every hour, so rest up, because this is going to consume some brain cells. Don't do it for me, don't even do it for America. Do it for your children or significant other, that will one day have to take care of you as you suffer from skin cancer. If this is asking too much or you are from a state that doesn't believe in science, then please ignore, and burn yourself as often as you can, so we can remove you from the gene pool.