Don't be afraid to shoot first!

What kind of guy doesn't want to be Han Solo at some point in their life? A nice guy, that's who. Let's face it, we all like Han because he marched to his own beat, did what served him best, and let's face it, he's an Asshole*... Why the astrix? Because he was also lovable (he did help blow up the Death Star). Solo figured it out from the beginning and I wish I had too. Instead, I tried being the nice guy and all that got me was hurt. The energy wasted on trying to please others could have been better spent on building myself up, securing my own confidence, and establishing who and what I wanted to be, regardless of what others thought.

During the painful years of social hell (puberty, dating, high school), did it ever dawn on you that all the girls you liked were always with the guys (assholes) you didn't? How many mix tapes did you make in a vein effort to capture the heart of a young woman, only to be laughed at and told that you reminded her of her brother (worst thing a female can say to a male EVER)? How many weekends did you waste pining over a girl who was out on a date with some slap dick that wouldn't even open the car door for her? If you could go back in time, you'd smack the shit out of yourself, and say wake up, ASSHOLE!

Once I made it to College, a conscious effort was made to change who I was and where I was going. This was cemented by "Dr." Dennis Leary and his comedy special "No Cure for Cancer." Aside from laughing myself sick & witnessing one friend piss his pants/walk into a wall, there was a message reaching my inner soul. I was done being the door mat, the world was going to start revolving around me for awhile. No more mix tapes, it was time to start taking names (I fell off the wagon a few times, but I'm not claiming to walk on water)...

Where does the lovable part fit in? Well, you can't be an asshole all of the time or you'll end up in Washington DC. It's not healthy, but 80/20 is a good mix. There are some guidelines you need to adhere to. For example, when dealing with coworkers, spouse, children, and anyone preparing your food. You have to be careful with the 20% because that's when your guard is down and your raw emotions are exposed. Use the 80% to fend off the wanna-be's, posers, gold diggers, and other assholes you encounter. Think of it as a force field. Plus, there are many benefits from being an asshole with very few side effects.

The number one benefit is you can be honest! Why wait until you are 80?. No smoke and mirrors here! People don't ask you for much because they know the answer that is coming (NO). You won't be loaning your truck out every weekend, being forced to attend social events you don't want to (weddings, showers, time share seminars), buying endless quantities of food from fundraisers (from coworkers you can't stand), and being asked to play on co-ed softball teams (worst idea ever). People that don't know you well will fear you, clear the isle in Wal-Mart, and when you do speak, they tend to listen a little closer. Most of all, when you do want to help/volunteer, it's unexpected, truly appreciated, and if you perform well, the benefits in return are limitless...

Negative side effects come from abusing the 80%. The earlier you start, the better, because there will be some trial and error here. If  you find yourself alone at times, you may have gone to far. That makes it easy to fall off of the grid which can lead to living in your parents basement, having too many cats, and being unwantedly single in your thirties. If you are not careful, you can accidentally alienate people you do care about and that leads straight to acting in porn.  

So embrace your inner asshole, perfect it, shape it, and share it with the world! It will serve you well. The freedom is something like you have never felt before and will allow you to focus on what matters (family, friends, and possibly work). Plus, it will keep you from being distracted by things you have no control of (annoying coworkers, extended family, sales people). You will eliminate many of the mouth breathers you come in to contact with on a daily basis! Which will free up even more time and who couldn't benefit from that?  The freedom, power, time, and the ability to think with clarity will not only enhance your life, it may save it!

Remember...HAN SHOT FIRST!

American Pie. I mean Idiot.

Apologizing seems to be the new way to overhaul your career. Whether it's intentional or not, we are living in a culture that as soon as you say something or do something that other people don't like, immediately apologize. This needs to STOP. As calculated as some of these events are (sex tapes being accidentally released), the apologies are even more offensive. Why? Because they don't mean it. It's become just another way to get your name out there, advertise, and market oneself.

Jason Matthew Biggs tweeted a joke Thursday about Malaysia Airlines flight MH17. An instant firestorm erupted and initially Mr. Biggs attacked his critics back. As the events continued to unfold and the story became an Internet event, Jason eventually released a half-ass apology. The apology wasn't for the fact that the joke wasn't funny, it was more in effort to control the damage he was doing to his career and money making machine.

One of two things should have happened that day as far as Mr. Biggs is concerned. One, he shouldn't have made the tweet as the events of the day were unfolding. Maybe wait until the picture was a little more clear and more facts were known. Then, if he still felt the need, craft a joke that was funny. The point of making jokes is to make people laugh. If the joke isn't funny, then it's not a joke, just a comment...Second, once the joke was released to the world, own it. Stand by it. You created it, took the time to manufacture it, now nurture it and watch it grow. Maybe instead of attacking the critics, go silent for a while, let things blow over? Or, mount an offensive, defending your art, and by no means apologize. Instead you made it worse, first by attacking those on the web, then not fully apologizing.

This to me is the core problem. It's like fucking your pie and eating it too. You can't do both. I firmly believe that there is humor in EVERYTHING. However, I also believe that there is a time and place, and maybe that afternoon wasn't the best time. Did the joke offend me? No, I thought it was terrible. What you did after offended me because you weren't sorry, but you weren't man enough to stand up for your own principles. You said it, now live with it.

Whether it's a Kardashian, Hilton, Gibson, Dean, Edwards, Lohan, Baldwin, Richards, and now Biggs, the apology isn't sincere. It's damage control because it's affecting your earnings potential and that's what you are sorry about.  The art of atonement has not only infected celebrity culture, but all aspects of of life...from sports to politics, work, school, church, and anywhere there is interaction between more than two people. Instead of saying what you feel, believe, and being honest with one another, everything has to be crafted so that no one entity is offended. We spend more time and energy trying not to offend, rather then saying what we need to say and standing by it. It's OK to have a difference of opinion. The fact that we can communicate dyadically will tend to lead to more solutions overall, versus one sided arguments and silence.  Instead of nurturing our own beliefs and principles we waste that energy on preparing our apology in case any ones feelings are going to be potentially hurt. Mr. Biggs and all fellow human beings... say what you mean and mean what you say. The world will be an overall better place for it, honestly!

Organized Religion is Killing Us. Imagine That...

The terrorism that plagues the Western World of today is nothing new (all sides have blood on their hands). It's been going on for thousands of years in one form or another and it will probably never end. Anyone claiming there is a way to end it is lying/campaigning and is in stark contrast to the definition of the word. We can take measures to minimize it's affects, limit it's reach, and educate future generations to put down their arms and strive for a more balanced world...I'm often asked, why don't you believe in God? Why don't you go to church? How come you don't take the Bible as the literal word of God? How come you feel that Organized Religion is a bad thing?

I've never said that I don't believe in God. In fact, I have faith that there is a God or at least enjoy the notion of one. I save beliefs for things that can be proven, like 2+2=4. To say that you can prove there is a god or not is foolish and irresponsible. To say that your God is better than any other God is arrogant at best, and is part of the problem of today's world. If you look back at early man, there are origin stories, miracle births, etc. that predate "The Big 3". Some of these stories were possibly created to explain things early man didn't understand. Until we can time travel or God shows up, we'll never truly know, that's why I don't believe, I instead, have faith. It's hard to change a belief, faith allows for options.

As far as going to Church, don't need to. If I want to have a relationship with God, I can contact him/her directly. No middle man. I don't need to support multi-million dollar corporations that pay no taxes and waste a great deal of their collections on maintaining property, possessions, and the machine that is Organized Religion. Early Christians met in homes with friends and family. They didn't need a superstructure with an indoor basketball court, rock band, and countless works of art worth tens of millions of dollars. If there is a God, he/she is always there, always listening, and whether or not he/she answers your call depends on what you are asking for and your perception of his/her role in your life.

Whether you are a Christian or not, there are some good life lessons in the Bible and Koran. Following Jesus's teachings is not a bad way to live. As to the Bible, it's not the true word of God. It's a compilation of stories, put together at the Council of Nicaea, in order to shape the direction of a young and budding Christianity. Many books were left out/ordered to be destroyed, stories changed/altered for political reasons, and the true word of God was being altered to fit a narrative. Hell, even Thomas Jefferson was so fed up with the fluff in the Bible that he created his own! Also, I believe in science. In doing so, I can't accept certain aspects of the stories told in the Bible. I understand their point, but they are not factual. Plus I have a problem with their views on women, slavery, free will (?), etc.  

Why do I feel that organized Religion is a bad thing? Because it's in stark contrast to those bracelets that are popular, you know, "What Would Jesus Do"? Sure, Churches help some in need and many try and do good things for their communities. However, with the hundreds of billions of dollars possessed by organized religious institutions (and land) why are there still homeless people, famine, genocide, poverty, unsanitary drinking water, pollution, war, and on and on... Why do you have to believe a specific way in order to receive aide (if we are all God's children). Because it's become a business, bogged down in bureaucracy, and it costs money to run/maintain a business, which means less money to help those in need. 

Jesus would probably shake his head and weep for humanity if he showed up today. He would scratch his head and ask what we're thinking as people (and why is my Birthday in December & who is this Santa guy)? Why do we treat each other the way we do? Who's name is this in? Why do all 3 major religions derive from the same God, yet have spent millennia killing each other? When did Churches become businesses, political machines, land owners, and tax free entities with little to no checks and balances? Why is there a 3 strike policy for Priests when it comes to raping children? Where is the compassion for all of humanity, not just a chosen few? Why have my words/teachings been manipulated for political agenda and hate. This isn't what I died on the Cross for, this isn't the message of my father or other prophets, and this is not what I came here to do. Want to minimize terrorism? End organized Religion and "Imagine" speaking to me directly, "it's easy if you try"!

Bend Over, I'll Drive! The Art of Buying a Car.

Car shopping is one of the few experiences that should be a joyous one (furniture shopping being another), but usually ends in high blood pressure, constipation, and that inner feeling that a murder is about to take place...Why? It's your money, you are the one out shopping for a vehicle. You are the customer, isn't the customer always right? This doesn't happen at Wal-Mart, Best Buy, or Toys R Us... So what gives? The answer? Their sole purpose is to F**k you out of as much money as they possible can & they don't give two shits about how you feel when you leave (they won't see you again for a couple years). They know that there is another customer around the corner just waiting to bend over in your place (this is why I left the business). So what can you do to end up being the elephant and not the poor Rhino? TOTAL WAR (not smart bombs & Seals, think B-52's and Germany).

First, do your research. There is a tool out there called the world wide web and it serves another purpose other than pornography. Most dealerships now have websites and you can put them at war against each other, along with finding out what everyone else is paying for the same vehicle nation wide. If you can't navigate the web, bring lube, lots of it.

Second, be prepared to walk out. Time is on the dealers side. They will go through a song & dance to wear you down. The purpose is that you'll give up, sign, and move on. If you have a trade, know everything about it. They will break your trade-in down into a billion pieces (what's wrong with it), basically making them the hero for taking it off your poor-stupid hands (it's always better to sell it on your own).

Third, if you are woman, no matter how successful you are, strong, etc. They will find a way to screw you over. I know it's 2014, but this is one thing that hasn't changed (just be thankful they don't ask you to make them a sandwich & bring them their slippers). Bring a man, even if it's a serial killer. Sure you may be murdered later on the drive home, but you got a lower price and better rate. Older men are even better, it's clear by how they dress they don't give a f**k, and that's the attitude you need when buying a car.

Fourth, don't buy more than TWO cars from a friend/same salesman. They'll give you the best deal on the first one, an OK deal on the second one, then they will break it off in your ass on cars 3-infinity. Why? Because you trust them & think they would never screw me over, we're friends, they even send me a birthday card... BULLSHIT...This is car shopping, there is no such thing as friendship (the store database alerts them to your birthday and tells them to send you a card).

Fifth, new vehicles tend to have lower markup than used vehicles. Dealerships make large profits off of their used inventory and very little off of new (Service is the real gold mine). Salesman usually make a flat fee off of a new car (because the dealer has to compete harder with other dealerships). Sometimes as low as $50/$100 per unit, where as used can generate them a commission anywhere from $300-$1500+. Ever wonder why you come in to look at a new car and they want to show you a used one? Be focused on what you need/looking for when you enter. Otherwise you will go in to buy a new van and drive home in a two-seat convertible.

Sixth, have your A-game ready for finance. Know the rates, know your credit. This is the ultimate game of liars poker and you are going to lose. How much is up to you. Everything is negotiable in this room. The rate, extended warranties, terms, payment date, all of it. Their job is to give you a higher rate, one you feel OK with, then they buy the rate lower from the bank and make extra money, even if it's a 1/2%, that adds up over hundreds of car deals. Extended warranties are sometimes a good value, but they have a high margin of mark up too (also, if you sell the car before that warranty is up, you can get a refund on the difference).

Finally, remember, it's your money, your time, your life. They don't care about you, they hate your kids (bring them and load them up on sugar), talk about banging your wife when your back is turned, high five when you leave because of the pounding you just took (including all the service visits where they send out a cute girl or old man with a laundry list of bullshit you (don't) need done to your car), knowing that you will be back before the vehicle is paid off, ready for a new one and they can pound some more...Your job is to burn bridges, come in with guns blazing, scorch the earth that the dealership is built on, and when you leave, the last thing you should hear from the General Manager is..."I don't ever want to see that MOTHER-F**KER on my lot again"! Then you know you have received a good deal on your car purchase!

Happy Birthday America! (and many more?)



                                                 U.S. 1776-1972             U.S. 1973-Present

As we celebrate America's Birthday and all that this young Nation has accomplished, I can't help but worry about our future. We have overcome a lot as a Nation, risen from our failures as well as celebrated our many accomplishments. In just a few hundred years we became a global power, a beacon of hope, and an example for the entire world to follow. However, over the past few decades we've began to deviate from our course, blurred too many lines, and entered an era of partisanship that paralyzes our system of government... How do we fix it? Can we fix it? I would like to think as Americans we can!

Our Declaration of Independence was a bold move for the times and required a lot of hard work, sacrifice, and placed it's people in a position to create the greatest country in the world or die trying. Our founding fathers did the best they could in setting up our system of government and it was Jefferson who advocated that we change the rules from time to time, to adapt to the growing Nation's needs. We struggled with humanitarian issues, nothing short of genocide with Native Americans and almost tore the country in half over the issues of Industrialization and Slavery. Through it all, we have endured and for the most part, learned from our mistakes...

We entered the 20th century poised to take our place among the elite nations of the world and after a Great Depression sandwiched between two world wars, we came out as that leading nation. Nothing could stop us now as we ushered in a new era of American Exceptionalism. There was nothing we couldn't do, including landing on the moon. Then came Vietnam and Watergate, and for the first time, in a long time, the American people began to have fear. Fear of their Government, fearful of their leaders, and worried about the days to come....

Politicians during this time began to change as well. Many of our founding fathers and early leaders chose only to serve one or two terms and then they would return to their private life. They didn't see being a politician as a career. After Roosevelt's 4th term as President, Congress changed the rules limiting the President to just two terms, yet they didn't do the same thing for themselves. Now we have life time politicians, hell, some even die in office. They seemingly do less and less because their main objective is to be re-elected. They make 6 figures for life, yet work less than 1/2 the year. Over the past 20 years, it's gotten even worse. The amount of production by our elected officials is at record lows. The partisanship is ugly, unproductive, and the environment is toxic. Reaching across the isle is a thing of the past and if you don't do your lobbyist's bidding, they will have you replaced.  It would be too easy to blame Bush & Obama for all of the strife in Washington and pain caused to the American people, but you really don't need to look any further than your own state and who you send to Washington...

So what's the fix? Change the rules. Exercise our power as citizens. Instead of stock piling ammunition in your basement waiting for your own revolution, exercise your voice and pen. Demand change or vote them out, even if it's against your own party. To start with, the President would serve 1-6 year term. No re-election, no campaigning, and would have the power of the line item veto. Second, Congress would be limited to 2-4 year terms, with a midterm during the 3rd year of the Presidency. There would be no life time benefits to these politicians and they would have to return to the private sector. Lobbying, Political Pacs, and Special Interests groups would be gone as well. The fact that a few corporations and individuals can make the rules for the masses should be viewed as Treason. It's time to return the power and system of government to the people.

It's important to remember that it is "We the People" that are affected by the acts of our elected officials on a daily basis. We need to re-engage our politicians and explain to them that it is an honor for them to serve us, not the other way around. It's time we take some of the energy we waste on i-phones, reality TV, sports, ourselves, and direct that back in to our Democratic Republic. As things stand right now, we are getting the Government we deserve, not the one we need.

So I ask, after this weekend of drinking, food eating contests, and our love of blowing things up, that "We the People" start reading the newspaper (s), watching more than 1 news channel, listening to the other side, and engaging in conversation in an effort to find common ground. It's there to be found, always has been, we just haven't been looking. Instead we have entrusted that power to a group of people who were never looking because it's easier to stay elected and have something to campaign on if the issue is never solved. As long as we tolerate this mind set from our elected officials, our Nation and the world as a whole will continue to suffer and where's the fun in celebrating that?